don't be white, be good

tonight was quite the adventure. shannon was gone so pete (a new volunteer from London!!) and i were in charge. we made mashed potatoes and chicken etouffee. it as the most inefficient yet successful cooking experience of my life. i started to boil 2 pots of water, one for the etouffe, one for the potatoes. after pealing and cutting the potatoes we started dumping them in but there was too much water- so i laddeled some out. an hour later nothing was boiling so we ended up taking huge buckets of water out of the pot. in the meantime im taking 7 trips to and from the dry storage (your normal kitchen pantry x's 100) getting cup fulls of the etouffe mix- all i was told was to make it thicker than the spaghetti sauce at lunch...soooo pete stirred while i poured in the mix one cup at a time, an hour after that we put the chicken in and had a taste and it was terrible:) soooo what fixes nasty etouffee?? more etouffee mix!!! so i kept pourin, he kept stirring, we kept watching the unboiling potatoes and time quickly ran out. finally the taters were soft so i spooned them out into one pan but there was too much water so we had to then spoon them into another where we could do the mashing. that was done in several stages, then we added frozen milk and butter got the etouffee tasting GOOD and got it on the line right at 5:30! i took a break to go eat and as i walked through the line a guy came up for seconds and said "where's the cook, this is good!"
now the only reason i share that is because it was the EASIEST meal shannon could have left for us to cook but we slightly resembled the three stooges, minus a stooge of course:)

during dinner i sat with a guy named keith. when i was here in april he had introduced himself to me as "keith, keith the laughing guy" he said he was the guy in charge of keeping smiles on peoples faces.

A lot of the folks i've talked to down here are either a little deranged, drinking too much alcohol, keep to themselves, or just generally uneducated. when you think of people in poverty many folks who come to the cafe fit the stereotypical description. well, originally i wrote keith off as, well a nice guy, but a little bit loony. tonight he shattered some of those first impressions i had.

he and i talked about race, life before katrina, class vs. race, double standards, both clintons, jesus christ, and a lot about the bible. the difference between this convo and a few others ive had is 1) keith wasn't ranting, we were actually connecting, and 2) he wasn't pushy on the religion topic. he talked about jesus a lot but not in a way that i felt preached to.

one of the first topics he brought up was the cleanliness of the volunteers here . this place is full of hippies, dreadlocks, dirt, etc. we wear gloves and aprons in the kitchen but it's not uncommon to be fed food by someone who hasn't showered that day...or week. i didnt think about it too much before but one of keith's observations was that this dirty living had to be a white thing... something to think about. then he mentioned the fact that there has been a decline in the number of residents coming to eat here- he thinks it is because of the body odor (halle, any thoughts on that?) and the lack of cleanliness here and that it's white people serving black people, if it were the other way around there would be way more of a problem. keith wasn't making a point about pro black anti white- he was talking about everyday racism or racial issues that exist and how it's hard to bring it up or talk about it because it makes everyone uneasy. eventually he looked at me and said "you be you and i'll be me. dont be white, be good." i guess that would go for anyone. dont be black or brown or white or red be good, be genuine, be true. i wonder if he was the one who wrote the quote pictured above on the bathroom wall...

im getting frustrated because i want to share everything that keith and i talked about but i cant describe it all. he just asked me to help him record a public speech to the community...perhaps i'll get that manuscript and post it since im sure he'll be talking about some of the same things.
i know his dot was speaking to me tho...
what are my thoughts about keith? im a little skeptical about some of his theories or statements but im looking forward to getting to know him better.

i had a pretty lonely day yesterday. leaving cincinnati, coming here, going to florida...it was all so much- i'm thankful and happy for every part but i think being gone finally caught up to me. it was a bit of a roller coaster thinking about being gone in africa for two years. im glad i have this experience to warm me up to being 'gone.' what im realizing tho is that i have the opportunity now to learn a lot about myself.

it's crazy to be out of public allies. i had no idea how it was going to hit me until a few days ago. because i had two years with PA right after college i really knew nothing else. i'd heard about when the time is over how it's difficult to reenter the "real world" but I didn't get it...now i do. it's borderline awful;) you have to be intentional about who you spend time with or you'll be consumed with loneliness. let me change that statement. i have to be intentional with people i surround myself with or i'll go crazy. it's easy to shut down and develop a thick skin towards people and things just to cope with the loneliness- im glad im taking steps in the right direction to be intentional, live out my values, learn more about myself, and mostly listen. i think i've spent a lot of time the past years talking, speaking out, being in the front and now i'm in a space where taking a backseat is important. hopefully i'll find some balance in that.

१२ dozen eggs

I rose at 5:15am this morning to be greeted by 12 dozen eggs in need of cracking. It's pretty difficult to whisk that many eggs so when they were in the largest skillet ever i had to keep trying to pop the slippery little yokes that had yet to be squished. I'm easily entertained... :)

that kept me busy as the sun came up and other folks slowly woke from a night out at a bonfire. im sleeping in a trailer now with 15 other ppl and most everyone came in around 1:30ish- I enjoy all of the hustle and bustle but i think im going to invest in some ear plugs.

it's nice to be back. again i was greeted by my friends and we hung out with a new volunteer in the little trailer. we talked about a lot of the systemic issues here in nola which i'll elaborate on later. it's nice to sit back and and listen to folks who have been here for several months- it takes time to learn what has happened/not happened down here. apparently the lower ninth ward (LNW, where we are) was the last place people were allowed to come back to after the storm- they almost bulldozed the entire place but finally folks were allowed to come back and claim their land and wait for their Road Home money (a sizeable chunk from the gov't)...most people have yet to receive that $$.

last night I got into town around 9:30, I was going to make it in time for circle but there was a detour on I-10 that sent me way out of the way. I got lost on all of the one way streets when I finally got into the LNW and was pretty shaken up about it. I was overwhelmed by what i thought was an irrational fear of this blighted area. there was a car jacking a few weeks ago and so i was a little on edge. once i got on site it took a bit for me to calm down but i kept telling myself that it was a fear of the unknown rather an actual reason to be scared. im not writing this to freak anyone out but just to acknowledge my feelings now and wondering how they will change the longer I am here. i do know to not drive around at night by myself tho...

time to go prep lunch...

vacation

holler- here i am, adding a new post to my blog.....with a shaved head!!!! i love it:) it was just time, i've been talking about buzzing my head for a few months now and i was going to do it right before i left for africa but now seemed like the right time. im in miami, fl right now. it's a pretty big contrast from nola. i've got a lot of thoughts about what it means to be here instead of there but im not sure they are appropriate to share at this moment. im thankful for friendships i have and relationships built here as well as Cincinnati and back at 'site'. it's crazy to feel like im in a different world only to return to nola and feel like im in a place of peace- surrounded by so much unrest.

more to come...

peace.

8million degrees

this morning at 5am halle and i moved to the car because we were dying from the heat!! we dont have a fan so it was pretty bad . we put on the ac for about 5 minutes then shut off the car and slept till 8- probably the best/worst idea ever. tonights mission is to steal the fan from the children's area for the night.

when i first came here in april i was pretty depressed by the conditions of the ninth ward and the folks here. for the first time in my life i was left completely hopeless. this time around im experiencing a lot of peace and inner hope. we are doing what we can to get by and i think that's all that one can do. my mind is constantly running tho on how to do more. i was thinking about what i would do if i had a lot of money to give to this place- where would i put it? it costs $10,000 a month for security... $10,000?!??!?!! That's just to have a giant light in the back and a security guard 24hrs which is very much needed. We are also serving 500 meals a day- thats a hell of a lot of money too- so basic security and meals and we have surges of volunteers to organize as well. there are so many steps to go through before we can gut a house or clean up a lawn but then the equipment is dodgy so we have to worry about that too. so would i spend money on vol recruitment and management? hire a grant writer? purchase food? buy equipment? pay utilities- the fans/window ac/refrigerator/lights/water etc all drain us. and then their are homeless people that could use housing, clothing, reading and writing skills taught etc. there is so much but fortunately i'm not bogged down by it all. just excited about all of the possibilities.

our friend lauren left today. it's crazy to meet people for 2-3 days and feel so connected. we talked last night about how this place changes ones outlook on what service is, what it means to be resourceful/asset based, how our work in other cities is affected by what we see and do here. also we shared stories about when we've been knocked back down to reality and realized our "cart before the horse" ambition.

everyone has a story man, it's nice to tap into peoples lens and check out the world through so many different folks.

a few pics

6030 st claude ave, new orleans, la 70117- im in need of a flashlight:)

this is the goin' home community cafe where we work, eat, play, hang, do laundry, live- a gem in the lower ninth

this pic is right outside my bedroom- check out that sweet ride!




this is my room with my tent and the pic on the left is the hall way where other folks live. there are 8 of us in there. we finally got a door to the house so we could have a little privacy. it's a bit dirty but overall im happy to have a place to crash at the end of the day

ob tampons and communication- and a lot of my blahblahblah

so my inner hippie is now in full effect- i tried and fell in love with o.b. tampons yesterday:) (too much information? what else do you expect). well they are great and i'd like to say jim inspired me with his earth saving ways but actually i have no money and they are the cheapest! ...and the earth is cool too.

yesterday it poured in the morning. lawn crew was quickly cancelled and we ended up gutting a house instead. it's actually a bar that the owner lived in. ec has been working on this place for a while and apparantly everyone went to her family reunion this last weekend...1000ppl attended! it's the largest family reunion in new orleans. im sad i missed it- pigs feet were the delicacy. she stopped in a few times to see our progress and was able to see the potential in a place that i just see a mess. i dont have a construction worker's eyes- i dont have a cooks tongue either but my fave place is the kitchen:) in two weeks i'll be taken under shannons wing and after i get the hang of kitchen manager duties she'll get a vacation and i'll be working with folks...lets hope you dont hear about the mass starvation of the lower ninth in the month of august:)

last night at huddle (it's called huddle when we just sign up for jobs and circle when we talk about issues/concerns etc) there was quite a bit of drama.

the basic arguement was about if the site managers were running this place as efficient as possible. at ec the community center is the main priority- cooking and serving three meals a day, washing all the disches, filling the back with gravel so when it rains we dont flood, providing laundry and internet for free etc. we are a community center, for the community. if we have the extra people and resources crews are sent out to gut houses, do lawns, work on rebuilding projects etc. the residents purchase the rebuilding materials and we provide the service for free. other volunteer sites charge for service sometimes and the volunteers have to pay to stay there and to eat. so- we've got some folks from out east here for a week and they are upset because they arent gutting houses everyday because that's what they came to do. they are devaluing the work that needs to get done (feeding people) and not showing up for those shifts because they feel underutilized. the whole debate was bad because no one was listening to one another and everyone was definisive so that was an obvious problem but the bigger issue is whether volunteering is about the volunteer or the volunteeree.

my biggest observation last time i was here was that this place does not make it about the volunteer. they are happy you are hear but shit needs to be done so pick up a hammer/rag/knife and do it. yes there are 100s of houses that need to be gutted but you cant just come down here, walk into a house and start knocking down walls- and essentially thats what this group wants to do.

i feel the frustration when there is down time or when you're given little direction but i also get that people are doing the best with what we've got: very little money and crappy tools. ec isnt an organization that has the funds to support 50+ gutting crews even if we have 50+ people. we went out on a lawn yesterday and the lawn mower broke, the weedwacker ran out of fuel and the head of the rake kept coming off- thats what our resources are so we pretty much cut an entire lot with our hands. according to some of the tense volunteers this work is inefficient and perhaps just a bandaid but we are attacking basic needs, food and lawns: if you dont keep your lawn up you are fined 100 dollars a day until the fine surpasses the value of the house, then the city takes your property. awesome, thanks katrina.

anyway, i just got called to the kitchen cause some of those volunteers didnt show up... i have a lot more thoughts about this but im a south which means i cant just spit it out so i'll try to think about that over cutting the veggies!!

coming home

yesterday i left a city that i've grown quite attached to. it was sad to drive those streets and think about the last two years- how i laid a foundation and developed roots and now i was saying one of many goodbyes.

on the road for 12 hours and i drove down st claude ave in the ninth ward- i felt like i was coming home. it was the right decision to pack my entire life into my car and head south. if you're reading this i miss you and i've probably thought about you 100 times in the past 24 hours but know that im safe, and happy.

this place is crazy. www.emergencycommunities.org new orleans site. you probably cant get a great feel for it over the internet but that will have to suffice unless you wanna come visit:)

a lot has changed since i was last down here- a little more paint, only grits this morning instead of eggs, a little more organization, a lot more people. when we got here at 9:30 last night they were doing circle. every sunday anyone who is here gathers together and we talk about our community and what we can do to make it better for everyone. all suggestions are heard, little dramas play out, shit gets done. we walked in in the middle of it and three familiar faces jumped up to greet us with hugs. it was awesome to see the friends i made here and to hang in the beater trailer till morning.

last time i was staying in the church but now i'm in the abondoned house behind the site, i feel like im finally in the life of luxury! there are two mattresses on the ground so we set up the tent and passed out for the night. everything is humid down here so a constant state of dampness surrounds us.

today im heading out on a lawn crew which means we'll be going from house to house cleaning up from katrina aftermath- two years later and it looks like it all happened yesterday.

pictures to come....

peace,
sb