pictures of the past few days....

"love"
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2353825&id=7702107&l=3ff323c900

"last days in nkurenkuru"
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2353819&id=7702107&l=e9d8d78ff4

"sunrise breakfast"
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2353824&id=7702107&l=f84dfe1274

Farewell Nkurenkuru

It’s hard to believe I’ve come to this blog post. When I look back at
my journal and at these entries I’m filled with laughter and joy
thinking about all of the ups and downs, the intense emotions
felt/expressed, the challenges and success- all how they have shaped
my entire being. Already the ‘bad’ is fading away and the good,
powerful, and awe-some memories are finding a permanent place in my
heart and soul.

Friday we had a farewell party- it was one of the most amazing
experiences of my life. The setting was beautiful, three lilac
breasted rollers flew into a big tree in Selma’s yard to set the stage
for a great night :) She had her place all decked out with tables and
chairs, wine glasses with napkins folded up beautifully in them, we
prepared all of the food earlier that day- a goat, lots of chickens,
macaroni, rice, salad, soups, and many many drinks. As the sun was
setting the people were arriving, it was a full house of friends from
Nkurenkuru and surrounding villages. Lots of speeches were given,
tears flowed and laughs too. I got through my speech even though I
was crying throughout. Three friends came up to stand with me and hold
my hand as I read and another friend translated. Then lots of gifties
were presented, woven baskets, wooden spoons, other carvings, knitted
clothes and woven grass bracelets, two live chickens and even a baby!!
:) Baby Sarah :) I carried her on my back after dinner for the rest
of the party, it was wonderful :) I felt overwhelmed with gratitude
and blessings, friendship and love and respect- both received and
given to those present. It’s hard to imagine all that was wrapped up
in these two years but Friday’s party was a beautiful summary and
closing of it all.

Today I woke up at 5:20am and met some friends for breakfast at the
river while we watched the sunrise. It was a perfect start to the
day. I came home and after getting a few things in order I headed
west to a few villages over to start a series of goodbyes. First I
stopped at Baby Sarah’s house and helped feed her her morning bottle.
I gave some gifties and hugs. Then to Sam and Otillieas place where
their son “Little Buffie” helped present me with a live chicken for
the road %-) It’s called “podkos” ….road food :) hehe so I put the
chick in my backpack and rode off to the next homestead. I said
goodbyes, gave hugs and cards and some small gifties and otherwise
been running around like a crazy lady! I played “headman” for a
conflict at the bike shop, sold my computer, gave away my clothes, now
cooking dinner for 4 and later saying goodbye to my neighbors!!
Ahhhhhhhhhh and packing sometime before we depart at 5am :)

I will share more reflections when I have more time…

My heart is full and my love for people here and at home is
overflowing. I will be in the capital for two weeks then I start
another wonderful journey of vacation with friends- Tanzania and
Zanzibar, then off to Thailand. I’ll return to America on 15 January
and perhaps you’ll hear more stories and reflections in person but I
will be posting more here as well.

Below is the speech I gave at my party. Pardon the broken English :)

With love and goodness….

Peace,
Sarah


As I sit down to write this farewell speech I am filled with so much
joy and so much sadness. My tears begin to fall because I will be so
sad to leave all of you- my neighbors, my colleagues, my fellow
volunteers, community members- all of you, I consider my friends. I
am so thankful and blessed to have so much love surrounding me here in
Nkurenkuru. And this is why I am also filled with so much joy.

Two and a half years ago I decided to join the Peace Corps. When I
applied and was accepted I didn’t know where I would be going. I
didn’t even know on which continent. After many months of
volunteering and medical check-ups I was finally told my placement- I
would be leaving for Namibia in November 2007. I was very excited to
receive this news but still I didn’t know where my new home would be.
After two months of training in Okahandja we were told our site
placements and mine was Nkurenkuru.

I did not know then that this place, and all of you, would become such
a special part of my life. It’s hard to imagine my life without these
two years. What I have learned about life, myself, love, pain,
culture, language, tradition, Namibia, Africa, friendship and the
goodness of the human spirit is more than could ever be taught in
school or read in any book. The experiences I have had here will
continue to shape me even when I am gone. The people I have met and
grown close with will continue to influence my life long after I leave
this place. And for both of these facts, I am so grateful.

I am thankful to all of you for accepting me into your community, I am
thankful for your friendship and kindness that you showed me. I am
thankful for all you have taught me about your culture, your region,
your foods, and traditions. I am thankful for the hugs you embraced
and the laughs we’ve shared. I could probably say something about
everyone here and how you have impacted my life but I know we all want
to eat sometime before no time :) I want to take time though to thank
a few people.
As Ndadi mentioned, I was involved with several projects- you
volunteers and project members that are here, I want to thank you. We
struggled together- to communicate, to work together, to accomplish
our goals- some we reached, some we fell short, but what we
accomplished together is very amazing. You should all be so proud of
yourselves for the time and energy you put into our projects- even
when things didn’t go well you kept coming back and trying to work
together and even when we stopped meeting as a group I never felt like
I lost a friend. Our connection and your involvement in our work and
my life here has been so meaningful. You are the reason I am here and
wanted to work so hard and I hope you know how much joy you have
brought to my life.

To my neighbors, especially all of the kids in the neighborhood- my
heart is so full of happiness and love for all of you. Even some days
when I just wanted to rest, you would still come knocking and ask for
paper or colors, even coming to my window when I was trying to sleep
:) I loved it though. Even if I was having a bad day if you came to
my house and spent time with me I became happy and everything in the
world was good again. I will never forget you, your laughs, your
smiles, your dance moves, and all of the beautiful pictures you drew.
Thank you for being my friends.
To Selma- so many nights I have spent at your house with you and your
family. You welcomed me as your daughter, as your sister, as your
mother and as your friend. We shared the same plate and the same
glass, we ate new foods, ones you shared from your culture and ones
that I shared from mine. You told me stories and we have laughed for
hours. You hosted us when Obama was being elected and when my parents
came you hosted a beautiful party. I feel truly free with you. You
have been my best friend and I could never fully express how grateful
I am to you. I love you so much.

Tate Ndadi- I think I am the luckiest volunteer in all of Namibia.
As a supervisor you have always been 100% supportive of me and my
work. You have offered transport and land, water and time, your
guidance and suggestions, you have always provided a listening ear and
culturally appropriate advice. I’m sure even at times you could have
told me certain things to make the job a bit easier but instead you
let me figure things out on my own so I could grow and learn from
mistakes. All of your teachings have been invaluable. Apart from
being an incredible supervisor you have been a great friend. Not a
single day went by that we were together and I wasn’t laughing. You
always made me laugh and feel free and at home. I know that when
everything else seemed to be going wrong I could just walk into your
office to check-in and you would truly brighten my day. Thank you for
being so kind and warm, funny and open, an amazing mentor, teacher,
supervisor and friend.

All of you here, and even those who could not attend- I thank you from
the bottom of my heart. To walk around the town and hear “supa-dupa”,
to greet in Rukwangli and even Nyemba, to shake your hands and share
smiles every day-these are some of the things I want to thank you for
and that I will dearly miss.

I will hold all of you close to my heart for the rest of my life.

Mpandu.

I stood watching the Violet Backed Starling fly over my head. Again I could only clearly see the white of her underbelly and just a hint of darkness on the top. I kept trying to make out if it was purple I was seeing or black like the BouBou. Suddenly it reversed direction and flew back to sit on my shoulder. I was so excited! It was indeed the starling! I’ve wanted to see this bird for so long! I asked friends to quickly take a picture so I could capture this moment when all of a sudden, the bird started to attack me. Digging into my shoulder with her claws then pecking at my head. I thought it was friendly at first but she kept pecking and when I turned to look she didn’t appear to be a bird at all. She was wiry and almost green, the purple and white feathers were still there but my dream bird was now a painful nightmare.
Then I woke up…..

Yesterday I had a moment with myself in the morning I’m referring to it as a revelation. It was more so an understanding, a deeper understanding or realization of truth. Not my truth or yours, but truth as it is…

I have this small book called Mediations from Conversations with God. Jori gave it to me before I left. It’s full of small passages about different topics from death to money to war to self-awareness etc. I refer back to it often and when I have a thought I add it into the book and I’m going to give it back to Jori when I return. I was reading it this morning and I came across one note that I had written on November 19 of last year responding to a meditation about death. I wrote about how it scares me and I don’t know if I believe in a higher power or after life and so on; I just sounded scared and confused....I smiled this morning because I couldn't feel further from that....I've evolved so far past that feeling.... yesterday I wrote this:

"I wrote that last year....I feel so different from that feeling
expressed...I’m smiling. When our body dies the fruit it bears is the
birth of our soul. I want to love my body even more now! I want my soul
to have a beautiful place to BE. When my body dies, I want my soul to
remember a good life, not trapped in my body, but rather having spent many
many years in a sanctuary."

I think my dream this morning was connected to my understanding yesterday.
Things are not as they seem…when we think about something being a certain way, it will be that until we open our minds eye to what it actually is…

Birds represent freedom, community, unity. I’ve been searching for the violet backed starling for a few months now with no avail. The harder I search the further away she seems to be. But if I let go, free myself from expectations, knowledge of where she resides during the summer months, understanding of what she represents to me, I will find her. Or I won’t. :)

There’s no either or. There just is….

http://www.vimeo.com/6978006

VIDEO!!! This is a video of the BEN Namibia Networking Conference

This morning I felt like I was waking up to a Midwest summer….the look of the early morning sun through the trees, the warm, slightly sticky air through the window screen…as I came to, I remembered that it’s becoming Fall now at home….the combination of these two sensations/realizations put the homesickness into high gear.

I’ll be home in four months.

Haven’t written in about four months….

I think I’ll share some short stories:

-Bentu Sarah Henderson

Six months ago was the last time I saw Naimi. She is a friend of mine with whom I’ve worked since last year. She’s got a firery spirit and works harder than most people I know. Big hands, rough from plowing. We’ve exchanged many laughs and smiles, not too many words. The little I can speak in Rukwangali surpasses the amount she can speak in English so we fumble through with one another or rely on a translator. When she got pregnant she asked for ‘leave’ from our garden project. Since then I hadn’t seen her but once, right after her daughter was born. We greeted at the open market and then went about our days. Here in Namibia, babies aren’t given a name right away. The family waits about three months and then usually it’s the Fathers’s family who picks the name. Naimi took responsibility of naming her baby since the father left for Angola quickly after he found her pregnant. Last week Naimi came to my house asking for my middle name to complete her baby’s full name…I wonder if she regretted the mouth full that Henderson brings to the picture :) It was quite the honor….she also wants to give me a goat because now little Sarah is my Kadina- namesake.

-Lunch with Nane Eva

Nane Eva is the head of one of the sewing projects I’ve been working with. A wise elder, a social head of a nearby village. A friend and I went to visit her and the project last week on Monday and in typical Nane Eva fashion she started going on and on about something in Rukwangali. She stopped coming to our visits with a translator a long time ago so our dialogue always resembles a ‘choose your own adventure’ book as I look for body language and context clues while picking up every 8th word or so :) She was telling us about how she paid for concrete to build walls for a toilet outside her shop. She gave the money to the store but they won’t deliver the concrete, she has to go get it herself but she doesn’t have a car!!! This information was on loop for about five minutes and then during a pause I asked to go see this alleged toilet. We walked out back and stared into a hole, I commented on how wild it is that store won’t bring the goods she paid for, and she told me the story again :) We walked back to the front of the house and as I had no idea why we were talking about this, what was going on, or how to add to the conversation (because I’m pitiful at Rukwangali) we were all just staring into the distance. Finally my friend whispered- ‘what are you looking at?’ I giggled and said the garden, then asked nane eva about her garden. More small talk ensued. Then I pointed to a nearby tree and asked what fruit was in the branches. Eva got excited and asked if I liked that fruit:

Me: “oh yes, I like that one and Maguni.”
Eva: “oh maguni! They have then in the inland!”
Me: “yes, I am liking it very much, I want to show her the fruit too”
Eva: “they can bring it to you”
Me: “really? Tomorrow?”
Eva: “yes, they will bring to you tomorrow”
Me: “at my house?”
Eva: “yes they will bring to you”
Me: “ok great”
Eva: “ok, go inside and wait”

…oh shit. Eva then left and Gisele and I sat inside her shop for about 40 minutes. Something was lost in translation :) she finally returned with a huge bag full of the fruit from the tree behind the one I was asking about. It’s from a palm tree and you crack open the shell and chew on the next outer ring sucking out the sweetness then spitting the bits out. It tastes like chewy sawdust :) So we slowly ate this fruit and continued chatting. Finally, when it was time to leave Nane Eva said: So you’ll come tomorrow? I giggled, wondering if I had missed something earlier in our conversation, that maybe I had already agreed to come again tomorrow, so we parted ways with ‘see you in the morning!”

At 7am she sent me a text message asking for us to come visit at 10am. We left the house around 9:30 and arrived at 10 sharp. Nane Eva came around 10:15 and we engaged in some small talk, again, I was not understanding much…. She then said, wait here, and she left for an hour. Gisele had to go take some pictures of the folks from the bike shop so after about thirty minutes she took off and I waited alone. Eva came back around 11:20 and asked me to come wait at her house until Gisele returned. So we sat under a tree for a while at her homestead. Just enjoying the sights, then after a few minutes she walked over to a hut on the far side of the homestead. She called my given name, “Nehafo, wiza!!” and I went to find a table filled with pots of porridge, mutate and chicken, coke, fanta, water, and traditional drink of shikundu and a bucket to wash our hands. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! And quite the surprise!! I’m sure in some of our small talk she must have said “hey dude, wanna come for lunch tomorrow?!” and I just missed it, but it was all worth it :) We ate together and took some pictures and had a lovely afternoon.

The next day a bag full of Maguni was on my door step. Brought to my house from the folks in the inland :)

-A very happy birthday indeed

Tate Ze is Meme Selma’s husband. He turned 53 on 17 September and celebrated in style with his family and friends. Selma is my best friend here- she and her family have taken me in like a daughter/sister from the very beginning and I feel so lucky to have them in my life. Selma and I met Tuesday at the shop to work on invitations for the birthday party/grand opening of her guest house. She’s an entrepreneur who has built the Muharwa Guest House up from a few one room huts to now a full service 14 room concrete structure that is quite easily one of Nkurenkuru’s pride and joys. Thursday evening was so beautiful. Warm winds and clear skies. The party was held at her place and wine, beer, food, speeches from the Mayor and other community leaders, dancing and endless photos made for a night I’ll never forget.

-Quite possibly the best vacation ever

My cousin Lesley and her friend Dom came at the end of August and we had the vacation of a life time! They went to Etosha, a game park, their first few days in the country then drove north and met me in Rundu. My friend Kerri and I got some beers and chips and sat on a tire outside the petrol station awaiting their arrival. The sun had gone down and we had been waiting for a little over an hour when the bright lights of their truck pulled up to the four way stop and I spotted Lesley through the window. I jumped up and waved them into the parking lot, my heart about to explode!! That night we stayed with Kerri and Ben and their dreadful cats (sorry guys, they were killin us!) then left the next morn for Nkurenkuru. They were greeted with “welcome dom and Lesley” pictures my lil neighbors made and I showed them around town. We met with Ndadi who was as hilarious as ever and then went on a walk to see the hippos. Friday night we had a party at my friends homestead complete with cultural dancing/singing :) then went to the bar and danced till 1am. Next day got up early and drove to the other side of the country and stayed with Obie, a good friend of mine who lives in Opuwo- it’s where then traditional Himba people are so they got to see a new culture and terrain. Had a blast there, partying, hiking, GREAT bird watching, an American style barbque and watching the sunset into the mountains from a fancy hotel just north of Obie’s house! Then we drove north to Epupa Falls where we camped right next to the falls, swam naked in the river and cooked out on the fire. The moon was SO bright that night that with the help of a little reading lamp we played cards with it’s light and drank a whole box of wine just sitting and chatting and enjoying the scene…. Next day we drove south to a little lodge called Palmwag, in the middle of NOWHERE and camped again. Lesley cooked an amazing pot of chilli while Dom and I bonded at the bar setting the scene for another night of debauchery ;) The next morning we drove down the Skeleton Coast and saw a shipwreck, thousands of seals at Cape Cross and wide vast nothingness for hundreds of kilometers, it’s a gorgeous drive. Ended in Swakopmund, a small town on the coast and spent two days there- the weather was shit and we were all on the verge of death with colds and exhaustion setting in but nothing could stop us from endless laughter and good times :) We then headed to Windhoek on the 4th of Sept and they flew out on the 5th….I sent them home with a sliced open finger, ‘broken’ toe, bite marks from an unidentified river creature, two head colds from over-indulging in food/alcohol and deprived of sleep and a whole host of laughs and stories that we’ll be remembering for years to come :)

BEN Namibia Networking Conference (video post coming soon...)

What an incredible experience! The month of July wrapped up in a wonderful way with a week in Ovamboland for the BEN Namibia Networking Conference! Markus, Beatilde and I traveled west for a three day conference with representatives from all of the Bicycle Empowerment Centers (BEC) in the country. This was the first of it’s kind- BEN Namibia was started in 2005 and since then they’ve helped open 13 BECs and by the end of the year they will total 21! Conference participants came from all 13 regions of Namibia, some shops have yet to open but folks were able to learn from others successes/challenges and get pumped up for their projects to get started. Michael and Clarisse, founders and directors of BEN Namibia, have truly created a family through their efforts. It was a beautiful experience to be with a group of people who represented so many backgrounds, cultures, countries- as I said we had folks from all 13 regions which means 13 different ethic groups of Namibians, facilitators from Australia, South Africa, England, Germany, USA, Brazil, and two participants from USA and Canada. The purpose of the three days was to learn and grow together, share strengths and weaknesses of existing projects and connect the mechanics/managers of the shops to the suppliers in the country so that BEN in Windhoek can remove themselves as a middle man and just be more of a support. I was most impressed with how empowering the sessions were. BEN staff shared all of the ins and outs of the project in a way that really handed ownership over to the BECs in a way that said ‘THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!!’ They transferred knowledge and skills that sparked discussion of endless possibilities!! The BECs themselves shared what they are doing at their individual shops and that was inspiring to see what can be done no matter what- village or town, outside funding from another NGO or just independent entrepreneurs rocking out the bike shop :) One of the first BECs is the Okithitu Bike Shop- there they have built three small rooms to rent out as accommodation for when visitors come to the community or when trainers/donors come to see the shop. They also have a partnership with the local school where the top learner each year gets a free bike and a two week training on bike mechanics. One of their latest initiatives is to obtain a computer and teach basic typing skills and computer classes to local community members. Their bike shop is located 18km off the tar road, we drove through a sandy desert until we came upon the shop. I was surprised that they would be able to keep afloat- it didn’t seem like there were hardly any people living anywhere close and so far from town seemed to isolate them a bit. But they reported that the go through bikes like mad and are always ordering more to sell to the community! It was inspiring thinking about our own project- it is in the center of the village/town and close to the Angolan boarder- so many customers in our area and the tar road will reach Nkurenkuru by the end of the year so the project could really explode if we can get in a system of ordering bikes on a regular basis! At the conference Markus and Beatilde connected with the other BECs in our region and the idea now is that they can work together to bring shipments of bikes on a regular basis. They can share the cost of delivery from the coast to our region and also sell or trade parts with one another instead of always looking to Cycle Wholesales in the capital. Markus has a dream to obtain another container and use that as a classroom to start a kindergarten. We’ll be talking with the Town Council and Ministry of Gender and Equality to see if that will be a possibility. At the very least the space with another container can be used for an after school program or out-of-school youth program. These are ideas that were inspired from the conference and I’m excited to help them become a reality!
We'll see how it all pans out....since we've been back in Nkurenkuru we've received another donation of bikes from Bicycles for Humanity Ottawa and that has allowed the gang to get back into the swing of things. Josh and Mark from B4H Colorado visited last month and that was great to have them reconnect with everyone and encourage markus, augustinus, and beatilde to keep up their hard work and build on what they have going here.

For the last few nights I’ve been sitting on my stoop outside my front
door watching the moon rise over the Acacia tree in my neighbor’s
yard.  Whether eating my dinner, reading a book or just staring off
into the beautiful African sky it has helped me come back to center.
Or at least begin my journey back to a place of peace.  I haven’t
written in a while because I have not felt inspired.  The being here
for a year and a half has started to take its toll on me- whether it’s
the loneliness, frustrations at work, lack of human connection or just
a daily routine that no longer sustains me, I’ve spent the last few
months feeling a bit empty.  When I don’t feel filled up it’s hard to
write about what’s going on here because I feel my negativity spill
out onto the page and that’s not the kind of energy I want to be
sending into the world.  Instead I’ve spent time processing with
myself and others, here and abroad, and have managed to find that
light in the tunnel.  Not the light at the end of the tunnel…I’ve
accepted the fact that until that final breath I’ll always be in some
sort of tunnel and it’s my responsibility, no, my privilege to light
my own path.  Take responsibility and act on what I have control over-
my mind, my body, my soul.

I feel like since I’ve been here I’ve learned so much, grown in so
many ways- big and small- and then I hit a point around February where
I was over it.  I’ve learned a lot, I get it, time to move on.  But
that’s just an excuse to not take control over my own happiness.  I
was journaling about looking forward to the new lessons I was bound to
learn but then I got impatient with the redundancy of life here.  I
kept thinking ‘fine, I understand, gotta love myself, be my own best
friend, my own cheerleader, be comfortable in the loneliness, I know I
know I know, I do I do, I am I am.’  But then shortly after affirming
this understanding within myself, I looked in the mirror and called my
own bluff.  If I’m so comfortable living alone, if I really am my own
best friend, if I really am my own cheerleader then why am I not happy
living alone, being my own best friend, or being my own
cheerleader?!?!  This experience can never be recreated.  I’ll never
have a first time living abroad.  This moment is here and then it is
gone.  So if I’m not ok now, if I’m not full now, then moving on to
the next adventure will continue to leave me searching.

I’ve been sitting on the edge of this cliff for a long time, perhaps
for a year and a half waiting to take the leap and now I’ve begun a
deeper descent within.  I’ve got six months to be here.  To really be
here and fill my own cup and I’m trying on some new things that I was
perhaps avoiding before.  I’ve paved my own way for this next step and
I know that I’m ready to uncover more layers of myself and in turn
connect deeper to this place.

Last week the Uukumwe Bike Shop organized it’s first philanthropic
effort :)  Ten percent of the shops earnings are donated to the
community and this year our committee decided to donate school bags
and stationery to learners at Nkurenkuru combined school.  We had
N$3000 to work with and from that we were able to purchase 40 bags
each with a notebook, pens, pencils, a ruler, eraser, and sharpener.
Our Monday meeting folks brainstormed needed items and together we
went to Pep and worked with the manager to get a 5% discount on said
items.  This all happened on Tuesday of last week while another group
was meeting with the Principal and teachers at the school to identify
40 learners who were in need of these small giftys.  Friday we went to
the school to deliver the bags and the principal had organized a small
programme- I played the part of camera lady and the three managers of
the bike shop spoke about our community donation and presented the
learners with their bags.  There was cultural dancing and a small
speech from some staff at the school.  Overall it was a wonderful
moment for our group and for the kids who received the materials- many
of them were caring their school supplies in plastic bags.  While
there are well over 40 kids who could have used the materials it was
all we could afford at the time.  The bike shop folks will be doing a
similar programme every year- looking at ways to give back to their
own community and then organize their own event.  I was happy to be a
part of intercommunity partnership and philanthropy.  I tried to
explain what that word meant to some people with little success.  I
know many people still see the foreigner giving ‘money’ to the
community even though it wasn’t my money or my decision to do the
school materials…..but I’m ok with that for now.  In December I’ll be
gone and the bike shop will run without me and they will deliver more
goodies to ‘those in need’ and people will have the chance to
understand then :)

Saturday afternoon some teachers at the school, Rachel and Caleb
(PCVs) and myself gathered the hostel learners for our first game
day.  We’ve finally begun implementing our Saturday activities with
them and this first day was a hit!  We went to the soccer field and
played games for an hour and a half- sharks and minnows (renamed Lions
and Springbok:) ), elbow tag, and then some stationary teambuilding
games cause the kids were pretty worn out :) Our plan is to meet every
Saturday and do either games like that or trash clean-ups around the
hostel and then make crafts with what we find.  Also, we’ll throw in a
movie night every once in a while.  The Hostel Project has taken on a
different form- will write about that eventually- and right now while
waiting for our community partners to meet us half way we’re focusing
on the kids and spending time with them.

Two bursts of joy that aided in my recent mind shift- we’ll see what’s
next on the journey!!

Peace.

so i ate a python the other week.

i was sitting on my toilet talking to my mom on the phone (no need to judge folks) when i heard some voices out my window- got up and asked who it was and it was some other volunteer friends who live across the way. They were coming to fetch Tate Matti to help kill a snake...i got the invite too:) we went to Rachel and Calebs house (new peace corps volunteers) and there it was, a baby python...still two meters long!!!!!! Rachel had left my house that night with no light and there to greet here on her porch was this silly thing. Tate Matti and Caleb took turns beating it with a rake and a long stick until it stopped moving....not quite dead yet though. it kept comin back to life and even the next morning, after several rocks had been piled on it, it had escaped towards a nearby tree!! a few more beatings that morning and then they chopped off its head just to make sure it was really dead this time. so what do you do with a snake after killing it? give it to the hospital patients of course!!! a group of guys started skinning it, collecting the snake skin oil in jars for traditional medicine, and then they prepared it for a feast. (now the oil medicine isnt actually used at the hospital it's used with traditional doctors only) it was all quite an adventure, enjoy the pics:)

It’s been a while since I have written- I didn’t quite understand the lack of motivation until Sunday. I live here now. This is my home, this is my life, I no longer walk around and see my world here as a series of stories; anecdotes that I can share as an outsider tapping into this corner of the world. I find myself wanting to write in more abstract terms not as much sharing a process I’m going through but more writing for writings sake. I suppose that is the next step in my process so inevitably I’m still sharing myself in a way that is authentic and true to my experience. If you need more tangible ‘how are you doing what are you doing” stories feel free to send me an email. buffiesh@gmail.com otherwise, enjoy:) This next entry isn’t much different to my other posts but just wanted to throw this disclaimer out if seemingly ‘random’ things start popping up. Thanks for sharing this space with me.

Water is life, and, as my chest swells and my tears fall, water is given its life.

As I slow my step I am not met with anxiety, but a sense of familiarity that surprisingly makes the tears fall harder. It’s different crying now. They are different tears. The creek appears the same but the water is forever changing; leaving its mark on the ground below. Comfort in the familiar is exactly why my chest swells and I embrace the drip, drip, drip from my cheeks. I am grateful for the new found home these paths bring, am anxious for the work to be done in 2009 and questioning yet again, “is a smile enough?” Some days I wish the smiles were enough. I am happy, confident, settled, empowered, and accepted as one of the community. I am in love with the warm arms and bright smiles that embrace my being. Full stop. No need to qualify that sense of belonging :) I want to talk about what it means to be here for year two. And those first words begin to summarize my feelings.


Tiny Doors.

As I wander through this life I am reminded to slow down
To breathe the doors into existence.
They are there but are they offered to me if I am unaware?

No, they will keep to themselves.
They only make themselves known to those who can see
Those who can step slowly into darkness always knowing they are surrounded by light.


When I first arrived, the newness of this place, of these people, of this work all overwhelmed me in a way that I have never before experienced. With each step I now realize how much I have grown and how much I have learned about Namibia, Nkurenkuru, the Kwangali people, customs, rituals, tradition, development, bureaucracy, the individual, community, aid, and myself. And I am back here. Back to the beginning of a cycle of knowing and understanding and continuous learning. What makes this new is that I’m not new anymore. When everything was a first for me I could relax in that space and forgive myself for ‘not knowing better.’ Now I am in this space where I know what’s up. I can see more of what is right in front of me and this is comforting, however, with this comfort brings new challenges. The challenge to stay motivated and find the balance between settling for “oh that’s just the culture” and pushing a system too fast or too hard.

Just yesterday I was in a meeting and I smiled to myself as the familiar unproductive banter began. I made a conscious decision then to always strive to find the beauty in frustration. Last year I would flip-flop about how I felt in these Monday meetings- some days I would leave completely drained because of all of the complexity wrapped up in uniting groups, crossing language and culture barriers, working collaboratively etc and other days I would just let myself be blissfully ignorant and leave focusing only on the smallest things that could bring me joy as a way to cope with the unique frustration that comes with this work. A new challenge this year will be to find that balance. So meetings, to stick with that example, one can get frustrated during them or see beauty in them- frustration can bring apathy or action, depending whether or not you have seen the beauty or not. Only seeing the beauty may leave one more apathetic to the problems because “well after all, everything is beautiful.” When one combines the feeling of frustration and acknowledges the small success they may be more apt to work for those bigger successes. Does this make any sense? Please feel free to add/edit/question this thought:)

the amazing work of Un Jin Krantz and our beautiful public allies community...

VACATION WAS WONDERFUL!!! more narrative to come next week but for now i just wanted to share some pictures. (ALL PHOTOS BY CEDAR SPRING WOLF, VIVA!!!)
Amanda, Catherine and I went to Durban, South Africa then up the coast to Swaziland for a few days and then onto Mozambique where we visited Maputo, Xai-Xai and Tofo. Cedar met us in Swaziland and was with us till the end of our trip in Pretoria, South Africa…stories to come:)
so in order from top to bottom....
1. and 2. waterfalls in Ezulwini valley in Swaziland. Swaziland is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been too!!
3. silhouette of a tree in Swazi
4. trying to figure out how to get a ride out of Tofo in Mozambique…why not dry your laundry in the meantime!?
5. mountain village Swazi
6. sunrise in Tofo
7. early morning plowing in Swazi
8. pineapple fields! Swazi
9. Tofo Mozambique, beautiful landscape just off the coast
10. and 11. monkeys in Swaziland
12. me just being lazy staring off into space :)
13. the travel gang! Cedar, Amanda, Catherine, me we’re in Maputo, Mozambique at this time
14. our hostel in Tofo, right on the beach!
15. Swaziland.. just herding some goats:)