Power of Perspective

Jori gave me the book “Meditations from Conversations with God” right before I left. This book has been particularly helpful lately as I’ve started a new routine in the mornings with processing thoughts through journaling. Usually I read something out of the book then start writing from there. The meditations are always quite timely- I’d like to share the one from this morning:

On bad people

I am going to tell you this: there are no “rotten apples.” There are only people who disagree with your point of view on things, people who construct a different model of the world. I am going to tell you this: no persons do anything inappropriate, given their model of the world.

This struck me for many different reasons. First, a little bit of background. I’ve realized lately that I have never in my life been so _______with a group of people or a process until this job here. I can’t find the right word to put there. “Frustrated” is something that comes to mine but that word carries a negative connotation that doesn’t describe my emotion. I’m not aggravated, discouraged, upset or any other word the thesaurus brings up in connection with ‘frustration’. Maybe ‘curious’ is a better word….would love input from any of you reading:) The way I described it to my Mom was that this feeling must resemble parenting. You can’t reason or get angry with a three year old- it’s just silly, but they still drive you crazy at times! Namibia is at an infantile stage when it comes to developing as a Nation. They only received their independence 18 years ago and are still “ironing out the wrinkles in the prom dress” – one of my favorite quotes from JJ.

My Monday meetings used to completely drain me. With the combination of all of the cultural differences in communication not to mention the actual language difference and working with volunteers in a setting where “volunteer” means you get some sort of monetary compensation (and you expect an identifying t-shirt, ID badge and umbrella) makes my job as a facilitator increasingly difficult.

We’ve transplanted veggies from their seed beds to new beds in the garden and in a month or so we’ll be harvesting. At this point interest seems to be slowly dying and/or people are realizing that they are putting in all of this hard work for food that they are giving away. Where I am, there isn’t a culture of volunteering where your only reward is altruistic goodness you feel when lending a helping hand. Priorities are different and even though the family unit is very strong, and everyone is related in Nkurenkuru, in a broad sense, people are still looking out for themselves. Fine, that I understand, that I will not argue with- but it’s the lack of communication that gets me. If people knew they would want the food for themselves even though it is their responsibility to care for others who are home bound with HIV, why then, in four months of discussion about a community garden, didn’t someone bring up this issue? I know why. That’s not a question for outsiders to answer- but I did pose that question to the group in an attempt to begin addressing the HUGE gap between theory and practical application of one’s vision.

My community has the right dialogue- “we want to help our brothers and sisters by getting them food so they can take their ARV’s” but now that there is food they want it for themselves. “it’s stigma and discrimination that is killing us, not the disease” but then comments like “oh, that one. That one is positive (in a secret mildly disgusted tone)” follow quickly. They talk about communication and collaboration as if that is what they know but really it’s what they have heard and think might work. But again, putting that into practice had become a challenge that left me in a daze and in need of some serious brain numbing at the end of the day.

I started this by saying that Monday meetings used to drain me. I have realized a few things that help me not carry so much of the weight around these issues. Bringing the beginning passage back to my community of Nkurenkuru and my time here, it helps to read those words at the end: “no persons do anything inappropriate, given their model of the world.” Understanding this in a new way helps me set aside negative emotions like frustration and anger. The reason why these two are so taxing is because they are often misplaced emotions aimed at a target that doesn’t align directly with ones model of the world. When we are angry or frustrated we may not be thinking clearly and able to see the bigger picture like we usually do when things are going smoothly. In these moments meditating on or being mindful of the power of perspective is necessary in order to channel strength and wisdom to the forefront of my mind.

Compassion is taking on a new meaning too- a deeper meaning that roots me here in a new way. “A compassionate person develops an eye for spotting the qualities that make each person special. Even when others are at their lowest ebb, it is possible to help them restore their self belief by keeping a firm, clear vision of their goodness and their specialties. Taking a gently encouraging approach, I must never give up on anyone.” This was a meditation passed on from Ana that has helped me to add new weight to the word ‘compassion’ and to work within this culture. I need to hone in on planting seeds. That is as far as my reach will touch here and even though I recognized that bigger picture long ago, coming to terms with it while being here has been a longer journey. Also, balancing the “be” and the “do” while also recognizing that the “be” is the “do” helps to keep me sane, productive, and able to cultivate positive thoughts instead of the intense feeling of defeat that has the potential to infiltrate most days.

Modeling collaborative behavior and follow-through will help water the seeds planted in those with whom I work. Even if I never see the flower that will bloom I’ll still be able to enjoy the process and stop feeling like a hamster on speed in that never ending wheel. At least when I look out from that wheel I’m in this beautiful country surrounded by good intentions and bright smiles- and that’s pretty darn cool:)