31/1/08

“Nane Sarah, waha roroka”

As feelings of anxiety rise to the surface of my being some much needed self-talk kicks in. I’ve become quite accustomed to this feeling as all eyes look glazed over, body language appears unengaged and apathetic and one voice dominates the discussion. The talk is big and the energy is sterile as we discus the “year plan” and how we are going to address issues of poverty, hunger, and disease. I daydream about introducing rose and thorn check-ins and closing circles as a way to unite the group in a new way- but it just seems like a far off concept and a little too hokey in a place like this. I come back to the point of the meeting, look around the room and try to remind myself that the stillness and blank stares are not uncommon- it’s a cultural phenomenon that I’ve witnessed many times. “Do they want to be here?” I’m constantly asking myself. It’s almost painful watching everyone around the table- they appear as if someone forced them to these seats.
As the two hours come to a close there is a little more chatter and input from around the table. We’re now creating a working committee and men and women are excited and/or intimidated to be ‘elected” organizer, spokesperson, secretary etc… We decide to meet every Monday at 2:00pm. I appear relaxed and confident in the groups ability but inside I’m wondering how we’ll ever move past the meeting stage.
Every gathering starts with a prayer and opening statements and closes with the same. When I speak only half of the room understands so Titus is always translating English- Rukwangali and vice versa. There is a tangible sense of pride as he understands and can communicate in both. Sofia stands from her chair to give the closing remarks. She is thankful for the coming together and sharing of ideas. She is excited to meet next Monday and work hard, she asks that the group members who are not present come next time and that everyone be punctual. I’m surprised by the extent of her comments as she was one of the blank stares- she then looks at me (eye contact is very rare especially in meetings) and she says “Nane Sarah, waha roroka.” ….Don’t get tired.

Day 11 on the job- 2nd official meting with UMYA- 5 words consisting of the traditional greeting between Sofia and myself and she saw through to my soul, my dot, and somehow recognized the need for eye contact and words that would cement our connection.

Waha roroka- I won’t. I can’t. It’s a reminder to dig deeper. Set aside my own judgments on how people should “appear” to be engaged and listening. Be patient with the process and help create space for dialogue. Encourage those who do speak up and empower those around the table to act on their words. Don’t get tired, don’t get stuck, “figure it out.”

UMYA’s chairperson Markus has created a slogan: “Here to Sweat.” He repeats it all day long and wants to make T-shirts with the slogan and sell them as a fundraiser. For our group members if you put in 10hours of sweating, working hard, visiting your home based care clients, tending to the community garden etc you get a free shirt. “It’s time to put the words in ink and on paper and then to sweat, to work hard” says Markus. Time to put our “money” where our mouth is.

Last night I was walking home from the store and Markus came to me in a slight panic. His regional supervisor called and is coming tomorrow for a meeting on Friday to review their year plans. He couldn’t find Titus, the other chair, and didn’t have a report prepared. I invited him over to work on my computer and we could print a report in the morning. His response was a heavy handshake, a grin, and he said “here to sweat!” We walked home and the gate separating the clinic to the path to my house appeared to be locked. I thought we were going to have to walk around through the bush but Markus took his index finger and removed the fake lock- looked at me with a straight face and in a very serious tone said “here to sweat.” Hahahahaha I lost it, this is a funny man I’m tellin’ you.

ps. my friend wil is brilliant- check out his blog: www.apoliticalwill.blogspot.com