"HAPPY NEW YARN"

THIS IS AN UP-AND-COMING BUSINESS!! Ndeshi, my neighbor and friend, has decided to start her own business- with a little encouragement from her business manager of course ;) she came up with the name "happy new year" for the name of her lil business but i reminded her that she learned the word YARN yesterday and how funny would that be if it was happy new YARN! she'll understand one day:) in the little jar is her first 10 bucks, she is making these bracelets upon request, $5 american dollars for all you westeners and N$5 for all of us namibs ;) if you're interested or just want to tell her she is a cutiepie holler. cheers to MY AUNT SANDY WHO HAS INSPIRED THESE KIDS TO EXPLORE THEIR CREATIVE OUTLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pictures!!! that peace sign is in honor of my mama...it was a surprise for her visit, painted on the side of the bike shop! three chicken photos- we had a party for my parents and throughout the day people kept bringing gifty's!!! hahaha, all live chickens, in our out of plastic bags...classic:) then there's my dad teaching the girls how to play baseball, priceless! and a few good ones of the fam and my supervisor and his family, all decked out in IU attire:) enjoy!

Long time, friends!!! At the same time many things are happening and nothing is happening…just enjoying my time here and chipping away at work but I thought I’d add one last post before 2009!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!???!? I hardly can….what a year. I’ll end this post with a year-end reflection but first some bits about the last few months.

Seb, Sandra and their hubbies from Bicycles for Humanity made the trek from Canada to Namibia back in October- it was such a great visit!! They were visiting the Bicycle Empowerment Center they funded and organized and while they were here came to Nkurenkuru to check out our site as well. Bruce Edwards from CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) accompanied them to do his piece on BEN Namibia, B4H and their work here in Namibia for a World AIDS Day segment that aired on December 1st. The interview with Ndadi, my supervisor at work, made it in the final cut….I can’t wait to show him to himself on TV!! He’ll get a kick out of it for sure The time I got to spend with the B4H gang was incredible. Just reminded again how lucky I am to be connected to so many great people and the paths crossed doing international work. One night we were out to dinner….around the table were 3 Canadians, 1 Australian, 1 Brit, 1 American and 2 Spaniards. All connected in some way or meeting for the first time…my heart was filled with joy and disbelief that this is my life! I was in the company of such wonderful souls.

After their trip up north we all headed to Windhoek and met up for Indian food and Zimbabwe Jazz- Oliver Mtukudzi live in concert at Windhoek High School….another incredible evening:)

I took a mini vacation that next week to visit Obie in Opuwo. It was absolutely beautiful there and it was great to reconnect with Obie. He is one of my closest friends here and we hadn’t been able to hang out since April. He cooked great food, we went on an awesome hike, spent time with two of his amazing friends, a couple, she’s from Portugal and he is from Mozambique, drank beer and had great conversations- it was really a gift to spend time with him. I hitch hiked 662km in one day to make it back to Rundu for the Kavango Halloween party which was a blast:) Chaz and I went as Scott and Lindsey….me as scott and him as Lindsey of course ;) SNL went as Joe Plumber and Sarah Palin…..priceless:) We even did some mock interviews and I think Lindsey could give Tina Fey a run for her money!!

Since then I’ve been working through some kinks with the garden project. We’ve decided to restructure a bit- beginning in January all clients of the volunteers will be invited to work in the garden and if they chose we’ll be setting up individual gardens at their homesteads or along the river. This should have been done from the beginning, to reduce the dependency on volunteers but also to create more ownership of the project, so I’m excited to implement these changes. It’s been a bit of a headache getting to this point but I think spending 4 or so months chewing on the idea is what was needed instead of me coming in and saying this is what is best. I hope to leave the garden project as sustainable as possible, like all of the projects, so this next year is going to be a lot of handing off. A year to lay the foundation and then one more to see things run smoothly through partnership, ownership and pride in the projects! The Hostel Project is still underway but we are waiting until January to move into full force of fundraising and implementation. I’ll be meeting with the teachers to finalize connections with Clinton Young Elementary School for letter writing and they service learning project going on there and bi-weekly meetings at the hostel with the learners will begin then too. Early on I’m going to select a committee of learners to head the project. I’ll take them through an application process and explain that their involvement in this project will be something to put on their CV (Curriculum Vitae) in the future. (In the States there are ENDLESS opportunities for resume builders but here they are few and far between). This will have many components of which I am very excited- application and ‘interview’ experience, leadership development, value of volunteering, ownership of the project and just basic mentoring that will go on with myself and a small group of young men and womyn. I look forward to keeping you all updated on how this all plays out…

Probably the most exciting thing to happen in the last few months was that MY PARENTS GOT TO VISIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the week with them was so incredible!!! We have always been close and our family is notorious for their openness and willingness to discuss ANYTHING but we have just hit this place in our relationship where ultimate comfort, respect, admiration and the closeness of our bond makes for an easy, fulfilling visit. I feel like the luckiest person on this earth when being with them and sharing them with others…I didn’t get to witness this but Ndeshi, my little friend and neighbor was walking with them to the store one day- Ndeshi is relatively quiet and a bit shy upon an initial meeting but she opened up quickly to them. On their walk in the midst of silence and enjoying the surroundings she looked up at my mom and said “Sarah told us about you before you came.” She didn’t elaborate and of course my mom got teary eyed- it’s just beautiful and a testament to their goodness that they make even people in the smallest corners of the world comfortable and free to be. It’s taken a year to get Ndeshi to be as open as she is with me and my folks just reinforced our open armed spirit by entering our world as if they have always been here. To have them visit and know my space, and my people will only bring us closer and inevitably make this next year that much more fulfilling!!

I’ll end this post by sharing my POL for this year. A POL is a Presentation of Learning- “what is a presentation of learning?
The POL is a public presentation based on your reflections of lessons learned and strides made toward self awareness and acceptance. While preparing for your POL, you will engage in self-appraisal of your growth, struggles and lessons learned over the past year.”

This is something I’ve participated in formally the past two years through Public Allies but this year my friend, Quanita Munday, invited me to participate in the Nzuzu 2008 POLs. www.nzuzu.org check out her site…

There are a few parts to the POL, a presentation and written pieces- I used to be…but now I am and This Years Top 3 Accomplishments. Un Jin Krantz was my voice for the presentation and I am so grateful to her for her willingness to connect me in a physical way to our community.

Happy Holiday’s folks….see you in 2009!!!!!!!!

POL PRESENTATION

It is he that is she that is I that is her and those who are not,
Are.

The dripping and drooling of times incessant knock knock knock at my door,
Is.

Exhausting.

Necessary.

Welcomed.

The cycle through which I navigate is anything but linear; spiraling through a series of my faults, strides both societal and internal,

Eternal.

Eternal work from a place of love not fear,
She says.

She is right. She shares and I learn and I teach,
And I learn again.

Again I learn to love.

To be honest.

To confront. To grow. To cry. To cry tears as they work through me.

Until I am me and she is her and he,

Is.





Three years ago I sat in the basement of Correyville library as Pickett Slater-Harrington shared his passion and knowledge for Asset Based Community Development.

I’ve taken that with me.

Two years ago I sat at a table with David Weaver as he talked about the being of leadership.

I’ve taken that with me.

Last year I shared space, time, and emotions with Quanita Munday as she challenged me to confront myself and my path with love and honesty.

I’ve taken that with me.

These are things I have held onto. I have had to let go of a lot. Let go of my judgments, my thoughts, what I thought I knew about the world and about humanity. I had to leave it all at the Washington DC airport as I boarded a plane for Africa and continued on my journey as it led me to Namibia as a Peace Corps volunteer.

So here are a few things I have learned over the past year and some things I hope to take with me into 2009.

It was important for me to forget what I ‘knew’ as to be conscious of not imposing my culture, values, and expectations on others. As I grew more comfortable in myself and my new environment I was able to reach back to what I brought with me and adjust my perspective accordingly. I’ve learned that this is a key problem in development- too many people come in with their idea of what’s “right” that they end up pushing themselves on the community in a way that just reinforces the “superior outside” influence. We enter places that have a strong legacy of oppression and even though our intentions are good our impact may be perpetuating a cycle that put people in a position of receiving aid in the first place. Part of me feels like Peace Corps has it all wrong. Are we in fact doing more harm than good? Are we, as volunteers learning an imbalanced amount vs. what we’re giving/teaching/sharing? Is the U.S. Government spending money on a program that feeds the souls of those who partake more than ‘helping’ the host country natives that requested our presence? I’m not sure. I’m still chewing on that one. What I do know is that this is a big question for me as far as development, systems, organizations, non-profits are concerned. As I struggle with understanding the layers wrapped up in this work I’ve tried to pay attention to how these observations affect how I operate in the community and what it means for my future.

For the past three years I have been digging deeply into communities only to pick up and leave- I see this next year as important and beneficial to my personal and professional growth, and as positive for my new community here, but I fully understand that two years anywhere is such a short amount of time to really do the kind of work in which I am interested. I find myself in a daze at the end of most weeks because I’ve been faced with so much and when looking at the bigger picture, I realize I have to set my goals or ambitions for the possibilities I see off to the side. There are simply too many layers to address in such a short amount of time. Instead of letting this upset me I’ve tried to reevaluate where I am in my life and where I want to be in a few years. I now know that I want to be in the United States; home. I used to think I wanted to live and work abroad but I’ve learned that what fuels me is my connections with people, with my community. I have connected with people here in an emotional sense too, but not in the way that serves me. I am in a place where I’m giving so much in big and little ways and at the end of the day I am empty. At the beginning of my time here I was rarely filled back up- now, thankfully, those joyful moments or times I’m able to dialogue with a close friend are more frequent, but I think part of my newfound comfort is that I’ve grown more dependent on myself for support, love, encouragement and being gentle and patient with the process.

Perhaps this is my greatest learning for this year. I’ve put myself in a place where I’m forced to be my own best friend. I was able to create a safe space for me and my “demons” to dance together and to my own surprise, perhaps my own growth, I was able to be gentle and patient with myself as I was alone with my thoughts. This is a scary process and one I could have easily avoided. Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with people at home to keep me accountable to myself. These people check-in with me and ask about my soul, my mind, how I am working on self and if I’m digging deeper; if I’m living purposefully. These people also share their process with me and invite me to bear witness to their journeys. In this way, feeling accountable to a mindful community and to my own self, I have been able to not hide in the corners of Nkurenkuru or behind false images but continue to live an authentic life. I’m proud of that and grateful to those who keep me honest.

I affirmed in myself that I am a strong confident womyn who still possesses the need to continue to be introspective. This is what keeps me whole and this is what keeps me connected in a deep spiritual way to my community back home.

This, you, is what I hope to always take with me.



I USED TO BE….BUT NOW I AM….


I used to cry weekly now I cry at the same frequency as being back home. Maybe I’m at home here now…

I used to hate running, now I run three times a week.

I used to see journaling as a chore that I didn’t connect to, now I find a unique comfort in it.

I used to let the water run while I brushed my teeth, now I don’t. :)

I used to think I wanted to live and work abroad indefinitely, now I know I want my work to be in the States.

I’m good at sharing but I used to keep some things just for me, now I practice letting go and sharing everything. It’s liberating.

I used to pray only when I was scared on airplanes, now I pray, mediate, spend silent reflection moments before each meal and often throughout the week.

I used to think Peace Corps was just the next step on my path, now I wonder if I did run away from something. I haven’t processed this one fully….

I used to be patient with others, but now am also patient with myself.

I used to have a distorted view of Africa, development, poverty, now I have a more global perspective of the latter two and a more tangible sense of the Southern part of the continent.


THIS YEAR’S TOP THREE EVENTS:

1. Uukumwe Bike Shop
a. When I first arrived at my site, Nkurenkuru, I heard concerns and complaints about lack of affordable transport to reach clients of home base care volunteers. Over the past 9 months I helped organize the implementation of a bike project with BEN Namibia (Bicycling Empowerment Network), HIV/AIDS and Malaria volunteers in Nkurenkuru, and private donors from the U.S. Now we have the Uukumwe Bike Shop providing affordable bikes to the community and even free bikes to volunteers. The physical implementation of this income generating project is a great accomplishment. The process we went through in getting it here I felt provided the right amount of ownership and collaboration but now we are a few months into the project and I’m realizing I could have done a lot more to ensure it’s success. I’ll be spending the next year trying to iron out the details of this project making sure it is sustainable and running smoothly even after I leave. I’m proud of the leadership skills I have transferred to Markus, a colleague and friend, and those innate leadership skills I have nurtured within him.
2. Being gentle with myself
a. A great personal accomplishment has been learning how to be gentle and patient with myself. In professional and personal work I have going on. Because I am more isolated here than I ever have been in my entire life I’ve had to be my own best friend. If I didn’t dig in and ground myself in a gentle and nurturing way then I would be leading a life of self-destruction for two years. I remember writing affirming notes to myself the first few months here. I had to. I had to tell myself I loved myself and be so kind and gentle because everything was so extremely hard. And if I didn’t learn to give myself those strokes here I would be completely lost. It’s easy to jump into negative self-talk so I worked a lot on talking myself down when getting overwhelmed and talking myself up when I didn’t want to get out of bed. This was gentle talk with work but also translated into my personal life too. I’m hard on myself with my patterns and it’s easy to say ‘get a clue Sarah!” but instead I was gentle with my own learning curve. That helped identify ‘issues’ and work through them instead of against them. I am proud of this accomplishment because it helps me truly act and be from a space of love, not fear.
3. More environmentally conscious
a. Before coming here I thought I was pretty conscious of the environment and my own footprint but after a year I realize I have taken that consciousness to another level. I see more ways to live green and simple and know that when I move back home my life will reflect that even more.

A Call to Action: PART I- the story…

Hostel Project

This morning we laid the second to last brick of our foundation. The
foundation- the strongest layer of a building; the strongest layer of
ourselves. Our roots, our life source, our pool from which we pull
energy during difficult times. The foundation- unbreakable,
reinforced with empowerment of the individual and unifying the
community. A pivotal brick in our Hostel Project foundation is the
learners. For bureaucratic purposes- 'the beneficiaries.' But if we
address a situation with labels other than names- Franz, Ana, Ndeshi,
Lucas- then we are raping the foundation of its identity. We take away
the human factor. "we need to make this place better so people
walking by will know that ah, people live there."

We need to make this place better so people walking by will know that
PEOPLE live there- PEOPLE, HUMANS, CHILDREN- this comment from Lucas
this morning speaks volumes. People now pass by and see
accommodations unfit for dogs.

Is that where you live? Do you wake up in a bed, with a roof over
your head, with clean walls and clean floors, with a kitchen down the
hall full of food that you will eat to satisfy your morning hunger?
Do you wake up in that environment and feel like a PERSON? Do you
feel like an empowered, valued, important contributing member of
society? Or do you wake up in filth? Do you wake up in a wire twin bed
frame with sheets as a mattress NEXT TO your sister because there are
not enough beds? Do you wake up wondering if there will be porridge
waiting for you so you don't have to go hungry to school? Do you wake
up with mosquitoes and water born diseases from a leaking roof? COULD
YOU WAKE UP IN THAT AND FEEL LIKE A PERSON?

For the past seven months I have been working on a project with my
community. A problem was identified and we have been taking baby
steps, laying the foundation, for its solution. Pastor Karueyva and
Tate Ndadi, two prominent community leaders approached me in April of
this year about the hostel conditions for learners at Nkurenkuru
Combined School. Like many schools in Namibia, learners live nine
months out of the year in Hostels assigned to their individual school.
Learners are able to go home for school holidays and 'out weekends'
allowing them to see their families, work on the farm and/or take care
of any other household responsibilities. During the school year
however, learners pack a bag and head for their respective hostel
schools to live, to eat, to sleep, to study, to play; to grow up. In
Nkurenkuru Town, a newly proclaimed town in Namibia, Africa, the
hostels housing 150 learners are utterly inhumane. Eroding walls and
ceilings, standing water in the bathroom and showers which only
perpetuates the Malaria epidemic (Nkurenkuru is situated in a Malaria
hot-zone), an outdoor 'kitchen' with two large pots, and piles of
trash acting as landfills adjacent to the hostel bedrooms, wire framed
beds with no or extremely thin foam mattresses and few mosquito nets
covering the learners while they sleep- the picture I am painting is
hardly doing the situation justice.

If learners are expected to be alert, productive, and healthy students
in their classrooms they certainly deserve a suitable place to lay
their heads at night. Basic human rights are being violated and we are
trying to do something about it. If this project is not implemented
learners will go on living in these terrible conditions. The hope we
will have instilled in them by starting the project, but not seeing it
through, will be ripped away and will add to a mentality of
hopelessness. Therefore, in the eyes of Nkurenkuru, incompletion of
the project is not an option.

After several small meetings with the pastor and Tate Ndadi I was able
to come home and talk a bit about this project at our church The
Journey. This step was another piece of the puzzle- spreading the
word, getting the momentum going, planting the seed so when ready, we
could mobilize not only the local but international community to
address this issue. From the discussion at The Journey I came back
and held a meeting at the school with the teachers to talk about
partnering with a school (or multiple schools) in the states for
service learning projects. "Letter writing is part of our syllabus
and we just have the learners write to something fake. If we can
write to someone it will make it real, it will make it important. We
can share our stories and share our culture and learn about their
culture too." - Ms. Muronga, English teacher. Christine Muronga sees
the need for hands on learning- coupling teaching with action- now we
are going to help her implement that idea by partnering with Kathy
Buck and the learners at Clinton Young Elementary School in Indianapolis to start
building relationships and eventually addressing needs listed above.

After the meeting with the teachers, we scheduled a community meeting
but it was postponed because of three funerals on the same day at the
church….That didn't stop our momentum, however, and this morning we
met with the learners at the hostel. "I am in the business of
solutions, not the business of problems. We all see with our own eyes
what the problems are…let's talk this morning about solutions." I
led a discussion on how, before we look abroad, we have to look at
hom; we have to look inside and with every problem identified we must
think "what can I do?" "what is MY part?" We talked about
empowerment, creating change in ourselves to affect change on the
outside, leadership and responsibility. We ended with a raucous chant
"I AM" "THE SOLUTION" "I AM" "THE SOLUTION" TOGETHER!! " WE ARE" THE
SOLUTION!!

After our rescheduled community meeting, the final step on laying our
foundation, we will be entering the next phase of our solution. Our
vision to see these learners in a better environment, in a suitable
environment for PEOPLE.

Soon we will be asking the international community for help. For your
energy. For your time. For your money. These things will not be
asked for in a premature fashion. This 'ask' is coming after 7 months
of mobilizing a community that wants to help itself. A community that
doesn't want to "open our mouths and shut our eyes to gifts from those
abroad" – Pastor Karuyeva. This is a community who is putting in
effort on the ground- we will be making our own bricks, doing the
construction of the building, holding educational classes on
cleanliness and hygiene, community clean-ups, pen pal programs, local
fundraisers, and taking the steps to guarantee sustainability by
knowing how to take care of our new environment when the project is
completed. This is a community that is willing to put in effort to
create their own reality but also humble enough to recognize they are
not an island. They do indeed need a hand from those on the outside.

Not a hand that will keep them crippled, dependent on foreign aid or
reliant on others playing a super hero- but a hand that acknowledges
and affirms a global community. A hand that reflects a global cry for
human rights and value placed on EVERY human life.

A conscious hand that will take in consideration all of the layers
that have created this current living situation: colonialism,
apartheid, corruption, situational and generational poverty, apathy
rooted in the constant devaluing of human life.

We have three goals of our project: mattresses for every learner,
mosquito nets for every learner, and a new hostel building for the
girls. It took five years for a hostel to be built for the boys- they
now have their new building but have yet to move in….

A new home, new beds, new nets- this will happen with a collective
effort. It takes a village….as Americans we beat this phrase to
death- but that is the message here in Nkurenkuru and that is our
message to you at home. Join our village and help raise these
children.

Soon there will be a projected budget and a tax-deductible link where
you can donate money for the new hostel building. If you are a
teacher and want to partner with a classroom here for a pen-pal
program or to do a service learning project to help raise money for
mattresses you can contact me any time. (buffiesh@gmail.com) It's
US$18 for one mattress and there are 150 learners. If you want to
write letters to thank the women of Indianapolis Women's Prison for
their hard-work and dedication to this project by assembling 150
mosquito nets for us, please contact Ron Branson
Ronald.branson@yahoo.com and share your thoughts. Ron was such a big
first step in helping this project start to take form!!

There are many ways to play a part in this project, in this community,
in the lives of these children who are the next generation of
teachers, community leaders, doctors, nurses, journalists, councilmen
and women, mothers, fathers…. At the very least, we ask you, I ask
you, to join us in our reflection and our mantra as we move forward in
creating our own reality: WHAT IS MY PART?

just playin with my favorite monkey. shiku, not chaz:)

Bike shop, outdoors, and a sale:)

A Visit From Bicycles for Humanity, Colorado's Josh and Keenan

What an incredible gift!! Last week I got to spend a few days with
Josh Pace and Keenan Gates from Bicycles for Humanity Colorado. They,
along with their partners in CO, had been working for the past year
collecting bikes and fundraising for their shipment to Namibia. About
six months ago I learned of them and that they would be our partners
in the BEN Bikes project! We exchanged a few exciting emails about
how things were coming together on this end and finally, after much
anticipation they made the long trek to our village and got to see the
project on the ground!! Watching them reunite with the container they
worked so hard to organize months prior was so wonderful and having
them here, taking it all in was amazing!!

We shared a beer on my stoop late Sunday evening which was their first
night in Namibia. The next morning after a failed attempt at an
opening ceremony of the shop (a blessing in disguise) Josh, Keenan and
Michael put on some play clothes and got to work putting the roof on
the shop. Now the oven-like effect of the metal container is a
lessened a bit:) The organizing of the ceremony was to be done by the
volunteers and several key things were missing which came apparent
when only the speakers for the event showed up. So after a pep talk
from Ndadi about project planning, responsibility, accountability,
follow-through etc we decided to regroup and scramble to organize
something for Tuesday morning. It was a long day for all but by 10:00
the next morning the ceremony was in full swing and after a few
speeches, many thank you's and lots of translating we opened the doors
to Uukumwe Bike Shop and the selling commenced! The four of us left
the shop to the bike mechanics/managers and tooled around Nkurenkuru
and surrounding areas seeing the sites and chatting about Namibia,
Africa, work, play, just anything and everything trying not to be
TOTALLY overwhelmed by the fact that this was day 3 for Josh and
Keenan!! It was so great to have them here to process with and share a
bit of my world. They are very thoughtful, in tune, down to earth,
excited, and encouraging. Two guys who really 'get it.'

It was also nice to reflect on how a year has almost gone by and how
well adjusted I seem to be since my time here. Being with them in
their first moments in this place, community, culture and cultural
norms- it was amazing to hear about their process as their eyes,
hearts, and minds became full from everything Nkurenkuru has to offer
those who are open to it! I was remembering how affected I was by
some of the living conditions of some in the community and especially
the hospital grounds- my boat was really rocked and those sites were
very heavy and now, after being here and understanding some of the
dynamics and now being in a position to address them, I am less
burdened by some of these harsh realities. Thankfully my experiences
have not left me jaded or cynical, just motivated to take action and
help support my community. Sharing not only the sites but also
dialoguing with Josh and Keenan was helpful in wrapping my head around
some of the issues as well as just sharing with them with an outsider.

Now, after drinks, laughs, stories, a few evenings with Meme Selma,
eating with our hands and sweating together in the Spring heat of
Namibia they are no longer outsiders but now members of this
community! A community that will forever be changed by their hard
work and extreme generosity!!!! A special thank you to all at
Bicycles for Humanity for the energy you sent us and will continue to
send through your efforts. Cheers to uniting our global community!!!

Peace.

Uukumwe Bike Shop Grand Opening!

We're coming up on the end of the Uukumwe Bike Shop training!!
Friday's stock taking and evaluation will conclude the six weeks of
hard work put in by the mechanics, BEN Namibia mechanic trainers and
CISP business trainer. CISP is an Italian NGO that supports projects
on business management so that folks without prior knowledge of
business skills will be equipped to run their operation successfully.
The two weeks with Bernadette from CISP have been WONDERFUL. She was
incredibly thorough starting with basic topics such as "what is a
business" building to stock taking and inventory, marketing
strategies, customer care and the like. BEN Namibia really has it
figured out. As an organization they have set themselves up to
nurture the BEC projects from A-Z with complete training and an 18
month hands-on monitoring and evaluation program to ensure as much as
possible the success of the shop. Our opening ceremony will be Monday
22 Sept where we'll be honored to have Josh and Keenan from Bicycles
for Humanity visiting from Colorado and Michael from BEN Namibia here
in Windhoek! Several months ago the folks at B4H loaded the container
with bikes and supplies and now it is on the ground, painted and doors
open as a bike shop!!

The guys will be staying at my friend Selma's guest house. You have
seen her in pictures…the meme from the garden pictures eating the
cabbage leaves…the one who said she had sweet potatoes for us to plant
as big as her calf…she is a riot!! She insists that I am her
grandmother reincarnated heeheheh:) Quick story…. "Nkure Nkuru" as the
name of our town actually means "Old Nkure." Nkuru means old and Mr.
Nkure used to live in this area and YEARS ago people would say Tani zi
koNkure Nkuru- I'm going to Old Nkure's place" and it just stuck! So
you can put Nkuru after anyones name if they are your elder…Selma's
grandmother's name was Sarah. So they call her Sarah Nkuru and now
she and her mom call me sarah nkuru:) Selma loves community and having
people around her place…she is always eating and drinking with company
and if you stop by just to say hi she'll bring out fruit or water. Of
course water isn't what you think it is: "wine is my water!" hahaha
she's always saying that and you'll never find her without a 5litre
bottle on hand! She said her grandmother also loved community and
"people from internationals" and she never met a stranger! Selma
speaks about 10 different languages- "you know, I must know the
languages, how am I supposed to speak to my people if I don't know
their languages! I'm speaking everything. If you come to my house I'm
speaking with you, and drinking my water with you!"

Friday night we went over there to visit and they (her family and the
6+ kids she has taken in, guest house guests and some relatives) were
eating dinner and 'enjoying.' Big Boy (her son's name!!) went in to
fetch the new 5litre bottle of red wine and we spent the next few
hours laughing continuously, telling stories, and listening to her
hilariousness. Eventually she started going on and on about a
'baboon in clothe-ez." We had no idea what she was talking about so
she got up from the table and grabbed a flashlight and we all ventured
over to the tree in her yard….she kept pointing the light upwards in
the branches and all of a sudden a monkey with a PINK TSHIRT on
appeared!! Hahhahahah I thought I was going to die…she has a pet
monkey in a tree on a chain with a pink t shirt! No, this is not a
normal thing folks…she is just that funny!

Tonight I'm making a cake and papaya pie for her husband's birthday
party. They will have plenty of 'water' and beer and whiskey this
time as a special treat! Should be a great time:)

"Learning to stand on my own two feet"

(for CDR, a trip down pisdmemory lane)

In an effort to present a balanced perspective of my time here I want
share a more upbeat post :) Many times when I'm moved to write it's
after something major happens- sharing the day-to-day seems like a bit
much and because of limited internet access I wait to post until I've
had time to sit with the personal/professional challenges and
successes that arise. However 'intense' my posts may sound, my intent
is to welcome the reader into my process; not dramatize a situation
but to express my inner monologue in a way that tells a story while
simultaneously helping me to work through different issues. Isolation
has taken on a new meaning since being here and sometimes my only
outlet for 'dialogue' and feedback is through this blog. This leads
me to the title of the post….

Two years ago I was in my second year at Public Allies. That year I
served in the office as a community service project coordinator
charged with the responsibility of planning and implementing three
service projects for 30 Allies, Fellows and staff. This was my first
real attempt at planning a big project from start to finish 'alone.'
While the projects came off as a success I struggled to get the first
project off the ground and in general seeing the whole picture of
project planning. I was surrounded by an incredibly supportive staff
and team of Allies that acted as a sounding board, offered
constructive advice, connected me with able people in the community to
assist, and most of all were there to tie up all of the loose ends I
was forgetting when it came down to the last minute before the service
days began. I was confident at connecting people, networking in the
community, asset based approaches and fostering ideas of my own or
others but I struggled immensely with the little things and when it
came down to the wire there were many gaps in my planning. I was
always putting the cart before horse and unaware of everything that
went into bringing an idea into a product. Luckily, my dudes came
through and the projects were implemented in a successful manner :)

Coming here I have been stripped of that very important support
system. Besides a few phone calls a month and some friends here who
are scattered across the country (all for which I am very grateful!!)
I'm in a position where I'm forced to grow in this way if I want to
see success in my efforts. I'm excited for this professional growth
and thankful for those who carried me to this point. While I have a
different kind of team here I definitely feel like an island most days
when it comes to the background work it takes to reach a point of
clear communication, mobilizing folks in the community, crossing
cultural boundaries, moving forward with solutions to problems, and
connecting all of the dots of this job. I suppose that comes from an
absence a job description, living in a new setting, adjusting to a new
culture etc but I'm definitely seeing where this kind of isolation is
forcing me to a new professional level and standing on my own to see a
process from start to finish.

The shift was most noticeable to me recently when I started sharing
the first steps of the Hostel School Project with potential partners.
Four months ago the Pastor of the Lutheran Church and my supervisor
Tate Ndadi approached me to help find mattresses for the Hostels where
the learners stay during the school term. Through further discussion
and research of the hostels I realized that there were more components
than just mattresses and it was going to take on a large scale project
involving wider community participation. I've spent the last few
months communicating with community members, mapping out the different
layers, setting the stage for the first steps of planning and finally
this week got a draft plan written down on paper. The two page
document created is for the sole purpose of inviting other parties to
join in our efforts. Whether this is the local, national or
international community we are now ready to start rounding up the
troops to take the necessary steps at implementing our project ideas!
I'm sure this is pretty vague to any of you who do not know many
details of the Hostel School project but I'm preparing more literature
that will be posted soon!! To be continued….

"The Hiccup"

Coming off of the high of the bike shop arrival and the garden
producing ample amounts of bright green cabbage, I was left vulnerable
to the anxiety filled hiccup of last weeks turn of events. The
inevitable ebb after a smooth sailing flow knocked the wind out of me
for a minute.

Last week Tuesday, four random people stopped me to share some
uplifting news: "you're garden is failing," "the people don't care
about the garden anymore since the bikes are here," "people are
stealing from the garden," "why aren't your people watering anymore?"
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh all in the matter of about ten minutes as I was ending
my day…. I took some deep breaths and made a turn at the garden to
indeed, find it dry without water. I set my bag down and spent the
last thirty minutes of daylight with the hose doing the work as my
mind wandered furiously. "How do I address this situation? How do I
round up volunteers and communicate why this is a problem? How do I
express the fact that this problem is just a micro version of why
things are so messed up around here and why so much money and time is
spent on the HIV/AIDS issues but the epidemic continues to rise at
unimaginable rates? What are we doing wrong? What am I doing wrong?
Should we change our plan? Will that confuse people? Bigger picture,
bigger picture…WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?!?! Whew…..Deep breaths, walk
home, write to a friend as an attempt to wrap head around said
dilemma:

The garden and the bike shop- Two projects that work hand in hand and
the end result is: to help volunteers do their jobs better- the garden
enables them to provide food for their clients and the bikes enable
them to reach their clients who are up to 15kilometers away in a
timely fashion.

Enter real life application:

It sounds so simple doesn't it? In January I sat with all of the
volunteers, one by one, as a group, and we've been meeting every
Monday since then discussing their concerns and thinking of ways to
address them…..the needs were food and transportation. Now, after the
first distribution of the garden harvest I'm being told that folks
have lost interest and they are more concerned about the bikes. The
whole purpose of the bikes is so they can take food FROM THE GARDEN to
their clients. I'm going to start putting that into quotes because
I'm starting to think there are no clients….sure, 20% of the community
is HIV positive but the 'volunteers' who are supposed to care for
these people are talking the talk and not walkin…or riding….the walk.
I mean I had this concern before but we worked it out where the first
distribution the clients would come to the garden for a
ceremony….since then we have had little issues about who gets what but
I keep reiterating what I think is the most simple thing…pass by the
garden on your way to see your clients pick up some veggies and
deliver!

This isn't an unusual problem…this is the systematic issue and got me
all twisted at the beginning of my time here and is still difficult to
wrap my mind around….this issue of theory vs. practical. The gap
between donors and recipients. The fact that MILLIONS OF DOLLARS flood
into Namibia (Africa for that matter) and after a certain point their
impact just stops. It hits a brick wall…example:

USAID gives funds to Catholic AIDS Action who gives funds to their
branch in Namiba who then spends the money on a training of volunteers
to do home base care in a village- the money is used to buy food for a
two week training, pens and notebooks, and certificates for completing
the course. The community is told about the training so the first 20
people to register get in- they get food for two weeks and a
certificate to validate their efforts. After the training a few
things happen: 1. the volunteers get bags with a few bandages,
Vaseline, pain killers and rubber gloves in order to tend to their
clients. Five of the twenty are active but all 20 send in "reports" at
the end of the month saying their clients received care and in return
they get a stipend of N$50 a month (US$6.60). 2. volunteers get bags,
5 of twenty are active, no one turns in reports and eventually the
five active run out of materials in their kits and they quit. 3.
volunteers get bags, five of twenty are 'active' in the sense that
they complain monthly about how their clients live too far away so
they cant reach them and their clients need food to take their ARVs
but they have nothing to give them…. 4. volunteers don't get bags
because they haven't submitted reports…..but the volunteers have
nothing to report because they don't have bags to go visit their
clients with. Meanwhile CAA is still running smoothly at a level
other than the grassroots and they continue to get funding despite the
fact that there is no follow through in their outreach. This same
story can be said for any organization out there….

I wonder if I sound cynical and pessimistic….actually I'm just telling
the truth of what I'm seeing on the ground. And as someone who comes
from the states…where education, critical thinking, brainstorming, and
seeing the bigger picture are all valued and expected- I'm just
overwhelmed. I want to address the issues of the garden and the bike
shop but I don't even know where to begin because of the cultural
barriers, issues of poverty, collaboration, accountability, etc etc.
For example- if I was dealing with this issue in the states I could
rationally say to someone "dude, do you see what's going on around
you? People are dying of aids…not just people, your family members.
Your community. The fact that you pose as a volunteer for red cross
but don't actually do anything except show up once a month when your
supervisor visits (from two hours away) to collect your stipend…well
that's INSANE" ok, that wasn't exactly rational or appropriate but
you know what I mean? It's like trying to reason with a two year-old:
"why did you spill the juice?!?!?! It's in the carpet now?! Don't
you know juice stains!?!" ….uh, the kid is two, of course he doesn't
know juice stains, get a life self!"

I'm overwhelmed in attempting to explain this situation …with every
sentence I want to add commentary about another layer uncovered by the
previous problem but it's just impossible to articulate it all. I
guess it all just seems like too much and as much as I want to stay
calm, and relaxed- this is my job, and I'm hitting a point where I
don't know how to do it. I know how to fumble across all of the
issues and build community and make relationships stronger by focusing
on the little things, I know how to have the conversation with people
one at a time and plant the seeds of goodness and compassion and model
behavior like accountability and hard work…all of these things are
things I'm going to do but it just doesn't seem like enough. And at
the same time it's all I can do.

"Reinventing the Snowflake"

After writing, receiving positive words from friends and family and
reaching deep into my 'toolbox' of skills I brought with and have
acquired here I mapped out a first step. Monday was our usual time to
meet so I decided to structure it a bit differently in order to get us
on the same page. Usually I take a back seat as much as possible to
encourage ownership, empower natural leaders to step up and in an
effort to not reinforce a hierarchy based on skin color, country of
origin etc. But now, after 9 months, these guys and gals are my dudes
and we're in desperate need of someone takin' the reigns on this one.

We started the meeting off by outlining our progress thus far. I
facilitated the timeline reiterating what we had done over the past 8
months: we went from January, our initial meeting as a group and
individuals where I heard them express their strengths and weaknesses
as organizations, February where we started Monday Meetings and
addressed the needs of food and transportation, to March where we
began working towards solutions- writing a proposal to get garden
materials and making initial contact with BEN Namibia…April we
received funding and began sowing seeds in the ground, May, continued
watering, transplanting etc and by June we had food growing and BEN
Bikes arrival was right around the corner. In July we distributed
food to clients, training at Uukumwe Bike shop commenced and
Nkurenkuru was flying high.

When we got to the month of August I asked for input from the group.
First, I told them how proud I was of their hard work and how it was
pretty amazing that eight months ago I didn't know any of them and
they had never worked as a team before! Mutenda said we should give
ourselves a clap because of what we had accomplished thus far! We
cheered and clapped and I introduced them to the phrase "give
yourselves a pat on the back!" Afterwards we looked at August….at
first there was silence and then Miriam made my point for me: "There
is no watering going on and the food is dying and people are more
worried about bikes." This started a discussion about why this is a
problem especially since now we have the bikes. I was able to clearly
point out how we started with problems, now we had solutions, and what
problems were thus arising. This was well received as we entered into
another phase of problem-solving. We discussed solutions to the
garden and how to make improvements with watering, distribution,
overall care of the garden and we also talked about the purpose of the
bikes and that if their purpose was being abused then we would have to
take steps to assure accountability and proper responsibility.

To help look at how these projects are to assist in their work vs. add
another responsibility to their plates, we did a weekly mapping
activity where we looked at a typical week, Sunday-Saturday, 6am to
6pm. I took David as an example and he realized he had four hours
carved out of his Wednesday to water the garden- well since it only
takes about thirty minutes we talked about how this could be a good
time to look at what else might need to be done; weeding, adding
pesticides, planting more seed beds, singing to the plants….etc etc
etc :)

Two hours later we finally adjourned and I was feeling pretty darn
good. In conversation with Amanda that evening, I was expressing
concern that I didn't want to be reinventing the wheel with these
folks, in regards to garden distribution etc, and she shared the
following wisdom: You're not reinventing the wheel…you're reinventing
the snowflake! There have been many snowflakes to fall down before
but they are all different and unique. There are so many things that
are specific about the situation, the group, the process- hold on to a
basic foundation of group work but mold your next steps according to
the energy of those at the table!

"A reflection"

As a group we have taken a step in the right direction. This fact
makes me happy but far from satisfied. We have a long way to go and
seeing a clear path is increasingly difficult but I've realized a few
things…. First, as much as I don't want to hand-hold for the next 15
months I'm understanding that that is exactly what I need to do. Not
because people aren't capable but because all of this is so new.
Collaboration, follow through, accountability, multi-tasking- all of
these concepts are being introduced in a new way and to let go
prematurely would be moving at a pace too fast for the community. I
suppose this can be a negative consequence of any development work….
Secondly, I've bonded with my community in a new way. Like I
mentioned before, I like to take a back seat in our Monday meetings to
allow for growth of the group without imposing too many ideas or
reinforcing a hierarchy. I've built relationships and together we
have built a community of understanding and mutual respect and I'm
seeing where me stepping in and taking a more direct leadership role
could have benefits rather than negative consequences. Of course
there is always a balance and I'll strive to find that.

We are far from figuring out a smooth operation of the garden and the
distribution of its food but going through this process has been
important and we'll continue to build off of that. It's something I
need to constantly remind myself of, and be reminded by others, that
out of any project we work on together during this two year period
it's the outlying factors that will have the most lasting effect-
laughing together, celebrating birthdays and new born babies,
scratched up knees and elbows from riding a bike for the first time,
breaking bread together, taking pictures and dancing around like
maniacs at the local bar, escorting a friend to get tested for HIV and
being there for another when death consumes yet another weekend. It's
meeting consistently and following a process from A-Z, hiking to and
from Rundu 8 deep in the back of a truck…these are the things that we
have to hold onto when hiccups happen. And they always will.
:)

if you go to the left and click on "nothing like a near disaster...." and start from there and read up it will all make more sense!! :) there are pictures below that text but that post will set the stage.... ENJOY!!

ok, one more thing....the cutest thing happened today...i was on my way home COMPLETELY exhausted and i ran into the girls who get water from my tap for their house....they dont speak any english so we greeted and had some little small talk. i said 'ah, na raroka!" i'm tired! and they immediatly took the three water bottles out of my hand and my backpack off my shoulders and carried my stuff the rest of the way home!! it was hilarious:) aaaaaaaaaand adorable:)

so, we're working hard but having fun too:) friday night after the never-ending (wonderful) day scott, lindsey and i celebrated a friends birthday!! it was awesome...the best part was hanging before in the salon while they ladies got ready...the salon is attached to the bar. as you can see we had some fun with the wigs:) hehehe

the pictures directly below and above are from the training!! we started today and it's already been awesome:) the mechanic team each picked a bike to fix-up to ride to lunch!! My favorite is moses with his pink beauty...he LOVES THAT THING!! hahaha :) the meme in front of the building is lillian...she was a cleaner at the bed and breakfast when i visited back in november and when i returned she had quit there and started her own buisness- cooking and selling food under the tree!!! since january she has expanded from one table to three and benches:) I asked her to cater our 6 week workshop and she got permission to house us in the little building next to her tree!!! Thanks to the Buffie/Henson/Shaw/Smith families we're able to eat each day and support a local buisness womyn!!

Nothing like a near disaster to bring a group closer!

FRIDAY WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My attempt now to relay the magic that happened last Friday will not do the experience justice! But I’ll try my best:)

First of all I have to share that now now my little neighbors are on my front stoop playing Uno. They’ve been over almost everyday for the past week or so playing, having dance parties, coloring, reading and the like. Now they don’t even knock anymore which is great, hilarious, and a bit obnoxious all at the same time:) They make me laugh and can entertain themselves just by looking at all the weird ‘merican stuff in my house so it’s all good. Yesterday a few of them even started cleaning my house when I was doing the dishes!! I gave them the book Little Mermaid last week and Saturday morning we watched the movie and ate popcorn. I told the girls that in my home we always eat popcorn when watching movies and Ndapandula said “yeah, I’ve seen it in the movies!” PRICELESS! Oh, and the gifty’s are pouring in….Tuesday Ndeshi brought me sweets and the Monday before Marta and Maria brought a small bag of Mahangu- the traditional grain used to make porridge. Fuuuuuuuuuuunnny :)

Oooooooooooook now for FRIDAY!! First the story, then a reflection…

Ideal Scene: a 4 hour procedure to offload a 12meter container full of bikes off of a truck bed with a front end loader and 6 poles.

Our Scene: an 11 hour day, 9 hour procedure, and 4 poles. Ready, GO!

The Uukumwe Nkurenkuru Bike Shop has been an idea since January. We’ve discussed as a group, identified it as a need for our community, written a proposal, chosen a management team, met with the project coordinators from the capital, received news from our partners at Bicycles for Humanity (THANK YOU JOSH PACE!) that the container full of bikes was being shipped to arrive in country on June 21, waited as the container went through a revamping adding a door and windows so it could function as a shop and then finally….the call: the container was on it’s way!!! At 4:00pm Thursday the truck left Windhoek and began the 12hour journey north to Nkurenkuru. At 7am Friday morning I got the call that the driver was in Rundu, now just two hours away, the final stretch on the dirt road. I called our team and met them at the town council to receive our plot of land for the shop.

Filled with excitement, this is where the chaos started:

We’d been asking for land since April, checking in almost every day, and just Friday we were granted a grassy plot with thorn bushes strewn throughout. So, we got the tools from the garden and started clearing the land so we would have space for the truck to offload the container. In the midst of hacking through the thorns we heard a rumbling in the distance….looking up towards the road we saw a huge orange truck tearing down the path and so we ran to the road to flag it our way. This is when the delivery of the container became the towns entertainment for the day- everyone wondering what it was doing all the way out here, gathered around to see what would become of it. Now we had to get the front loader from the town council and poles to help offload- NORED, the electric company said we could borrow telephone poles from them but had left early in the morning without handing them over so now we were on the hunt. The longer the truck was here the more we had to pay and we didn’t have the budget for that so we really had to buckle down and find these poles. We split up and after an hour and trips to homesteads, NORED, the hospital, hardware store, grocery and even looking in the bush we managed to find four poles. All different sizes, three of them wooden, one a steel pipe. Now that we had the poles we needed a truck to transport them to the container- I saw one in front of the hardware store and asked for his help but after refusing we spotted a tractor from the hospital- the guys and I loaded them up and finally made it back to the container thinking now it was all downhill from here!

At 10:00am we started the offloading process: no one here had ever done this procedure before; not the truck driver, off loader, myself or anyone else present so I was on the phone with Michael in Windhoek getting the play-by-play, I showed the off loader a video of what it’s supposed to look like and everyone standing around had their opinions too. Eventually we hooked up the chains and started to lift the container to get the poles underneath in order to role it off the truck. The first attempt left the off loader airborne! Third and fourth attempts almost knocked the container sideways off the truck- three hours later with only one of four poles underneath, the off loader driver decided it was time for his lunch break unless we were going to pay overtime….!!!!!!!!! He locked up the machine and left, saying he would be back at 2:00. I was a bit crushed knowing now we would definitely go over the time budgeted to have the truck here and with no real end in sight. Michael had suggested a last resort could be to break the lock of the container and start unloading bikes to lighten the load- I suggested this to the group and with a single nod and a glimmer of hope in their eyes we got a rock and pounded off the lock.

Opening up that container was like Christmas morning!!! To see the look on the faces of these folks who have waited, planned, dreamed about this project coming to fruition….to hear their gasps as they soaked up the view of hundreds of bikes they would be unloading, spending the next 6 weeks repairing getting ready for selling and riding… to watch little kids walk by on their way home from school with utter amazement and confusion….it was incredible! Moses and I jumped up in the container and started unpacking one by one- with each bike he would say “ah, this one, this one is mine!” but then the next one would be even nicer and now that would be his….Markus joined and the three of us passed out all of the stuff that the folks in Canada loaded up for us not just bikes but spare parts, water bottles, national geographic magazines, shirts, bike stands, a table and shelves for the shop, tools, tires, lunch bags, even a lone softball! And my personal favorite….a huge piece of cardboard spray painted with a peace sign and the message “To Namibia with love from Canada!”

It was the most amazing two hours of my life thus far- we unloaded, laughed, dreamt about the possibilities we had with this shop, smiled at every single thing we passed from inside to the folks helping on the ground, took pictures and just ENJOYED EVERY SECOND!! After we unloaded a third of the truck we decided it’s best not to take them all out because we would never get the bikes back in! Around 3:30 the driver returned and this time we meant business: the front loader lifted the container higher and we got all four poles underneath then it attached itself to one end, the truck driver was in the other and at the count of three the truck started to drive forwards allowing the container to roll off. All of a sudden the container came crashing down on top of one of the poles smashing it to pieces and BLAMO the Uukumwe Bike Shop was in it’s new home!!!! Cheering and screaming and more pictures commenced and the smiles were endless. Now we just needed to reload the goods, buy a new lock and end the day. Of course that took another three hours and we couldn’t fit all the stuff so we loaded a hospital truck with everything leftover and now my sitting room is full of bicycle goodness:) Now it was dark, everyone was sore and exhausted from the long day of working together. Markus and Moses showered at my place and we discussed the possibility of them camping out to protect the shop since the lock could just be broken easily. Eventually it was decided that we’d just hope for goodness to surround it throughout the night!

The next two mornings Beatilda called me before 7am letting me know everything was safe…..she had been watching during the night and was back at post by sun-up:) WHAT A RIDE!!!!!! :)

Now for a reflection…. The day was INSANE, nothing went as planned, everything took longer cause we were walking to and from places to find poles, trucks, locks, bread and water cause no time for a lunch break for the rest of us, we couldn’t call anyone to communicate after 11:00am so if we had a message for someone we had to go find them and Michael could no longer assist from afar. Some folks in the community whose help we desperately needed were not finding it in them to assist while those of us involved in the project and random kids from the village helped all day. So many times we needed a break from folks, just to borrow poles or transport, it really was simple for them to help and after-all THIS WAS FOR THE COMMUNITY!!! Why were people being so stubborn?? At the beginning of the day when we got the plot of land that needed clearing, I wanted to express my frustration to Tate Shyinga. Weeks ago he had politely told me to stop bugging him when I asked everyday about our plot. I was doing that because I didn’t want to be stuck when the truck arrived with no place to put it and here we were, the very day of the arrival, having to cut down small trees! I realized that because of our language and cultural barrier anything I would have to say to him would just not translate- we would go around in circles, and expressing my frustration (and even a bit of anger at this point) would only negatively affect me. He wouldn’t wear my emotions, we wouldn’t have a dialogue about professional courtesy or how messed up it is that he couldn’t corporate with us. Hell, he was the guy who knew how to offload and instead sent someone who didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know me, didn’t know the project- the guy who left for the three hour lunch break…just unnecessary complications and for what? This shop was for the community, not some business venture that he wasn’t going to benefit from…..why couldn’t people just join together and throw us a bone!

Two things:
1) the bone that was thrown to us was all the stumbling blocks in our way. Every time we got shut down it brought us closer. It caused is to think differently, find new resources, rely on one another (as the uukumwe committee) in a new way and just get it done. I can’t imagine it going another way actually….now folks had the sense of accomplishment that motivates one to work harder. We had worked for this shop not just accepted a free gift. Now it was theirs. It was ours.
2) The most fascinating thing I realized from this experience was the unnecessary space emotions like frustration and anger take up. As mentioned, I could have argued with folks when they didn’t help, I could have engaged people in a frustrating dialogue of finger pointing and reprimanding but it wouldn’t have done any good. It would have left me yelling at a brick wall because there was no room for arguing, only room to figure out how to finish what we started. I just kept thinking if something like this would have happened with a bunch of Americans there would have been so much unnecessary dialogue about who messed up where and when- we would have had the same result, a container off loaded to start a bike shop, but it would have been tainted by negativity and blaming. Point being- we…I, always have a choice about how to react to any given action. My dad has talked about that for years and I understood it before but Friday it became real to me in a new way. What struck me was not only the choice but the process of making the choice. Choices like deleting a text message meant to ‘put someone in their place’, counting to ten and coming back to center in order to find solutions instead of naming problems. I felt myself naming the emotions of anger and frustration and smiling at them while I made room for patience, compassion, and understanding. I realized that if I had the ability to communicate my frustration I would have….but by having that outlet being taken away from me I was able to take a few steps back and really realize just how counter productive it would have been. By letting go of my frustration I was able to dwell in the beauty of the day and focus on those who were breakin’ their backs to figure out how to get the job done. I hope to hold onto this lesson and when I have the opportunity, when I’m faced with inconvenience or difficulties in the company of those in my own culture, I hope to take the time to breathe and make the decision to rid the air of useless dialogue and just find a way to work together. There are so many times that we talk just to talk, or argue just for the sake of arguing…when you can’t do that with someone all that’s left is just being. Being together whether it’s easy or not, whether things are going as planned or the process is taking you in an unknown direction- focusing on the solution instead of the problem is the only road to take.

On the surface the day was incredible- we worked our tails off UUKUMWE (together) and ended the day with an amazing success. Underneath it all, unbeknownst to my community, my self was probing and prodding to test my way of thinking, feeling, reacting, communicating- pushing me to another level of being. The universe presented an opportunity to grow and I am so grateful. The seeds that were planted years ago have been continuously watered by friends, family, colleagues, mentors and on that Friday, a new understanding was born inside of me.