"The Hiccup"

Coming off of the high of the bike shop arrival and the garden
producing ample amounts of bright green cabbage, I was left vulnerable
to the anxiety filled hiccup of last weeks turn of events. The
inevitable ebb after a smooth sailing flow knocked the wind out of me
for a minute.

Last week Tuesday, four random people stopped me to share some
uplifting news: "you're garden is failing," "the people don't care
about the garden anymore since the bikes are here," "people are
stealing from the garden," "why aren't your people watering anymore?"
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh all in the matter of about ten minutes as I was ending
my day…. I took some deep breaths and made a turn at the garden to
indeed, find it dry without water. I set my bag down and spent the
last thirty minutes of daylight with the hose doing the work as my
mind wandered furiously. "How do I address this situation? How do I
round up volunteers and communicate why this is a problem? How do I
express the fact that this problem is just a micro version of why
things are so messed up around here and why so much money and time is
spent on the HIV/AIDS issues but the epidemic continues to rise at
unimaginable rates? What are we doing wrong? What am I doing wrong?
Should we change our plan? Will that confuse people? Bigger picture,
bigger picture…WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?!?! Whew…..Deep breaths, walk
home, write to a friend as an attempt to wrap head around said
dilemma:

The garden and the bike shop- Two projects that work hand in hand and
the end result is: to help volunteers do their jobs better- the garden
enables them to provide food for their clients and the bikes enable
them to reach their clients who are up to 15kilometers away in a
timely fashion.

Enter real life application:

It sounds so simple doesn't it? In January I sat with all of the
volunteers, one by one, as a group, and we've been meeting every
Monday since then discussing their concerns and thinking of ways to
address them…..the needs were food and transportation. Now, after the
first distribution of the garden harvest I'm being told that folks
have lost interest and they are more concerned about the bikes. The
whole purpose of the bikes is so they can take food FROM THE GARDEN to
their clients. I'm going to start putting that into quotes because
I'm starting to think there are no clients….sure, 20% of the community
is HIV positive but the 'volunteers' who are supposed to care for
these people are talking the talk and not walkin…or riding….the walk.
I mean I had this concern before but we worked it out where the first
distribution the clients would come to the garden for a
ceremony….since then we have had little issues about who gets what but
I keep reiterating what I think is the most simple thing…pass by the
garden on your way to see your clients pick up some veggies and
deliver!

This isn't an unusual problem…this is the systematic issue and got me
all twisted at the beginning of my time here and is still difficult to
wrap my mind around….this issue of theory vs. practical. The gap
between donors and recipients. The fact that MILLIONS OF DOLLARS flood
into Namibia (Africa for that matter) and after a certain point their
impact just stops. It hits a brick wall…example:

USAID gives funds to Catholic AIDS Action who gives funds to their
branch in Namiba who then spends the money on a training of volunteers
to do home base care in a village- the money is used to buy food for a
two week training, pens and notebooks, and certificates for completing
the course. The community is told about the training so the first 20
people to register get in- they get food for two weeks and a
certificate to validate their efforts. After the training a few
things happen: 1. the volunteers get bags with a few bandages,
Vaseline, pain killers and rubber gloves in order to tend to their
clients. Five of the twenty are active but all 20 send in "reports" at
the end of the month saying their clients received care and in return
they get a stipend of N$50 a month (US$6.60). 2. volunteers get bags,
5 of twenty are active, no one turns in reports and eventually the
five active run out of materials in their kits and they quit. 3.
volunteers get bags, five of twenty are 'active' in the sense that
they complain monthly about how their clients live too far away so
they cant reach them and their clients need food to take their ARVs
but they have nothing to give them…. 4. volunteers don't get bags
because they haven't submitted reports…..but the volunteers have
nothing to report because they don't have bags to go visit their
clients with. Meanwhile CAA is still running smoothly at a level
other than the grassroots and they continue to get funding despite the
fact that there is no follow through in their outreach. This same
story can be said for any organization out there….

I wonder if I sound cynical and pessimistic….actually I'm just telling
the truth of what I'm seeing on the ground. And as someone who comes
from the states…where education, critical thinking, brainstorming, and
seeing the bigger picture are all valued and expected- I'm just
overwhelmed. I want to address the issues of the garden and the bike
shop but I don't even know where to begin because of the cultural
barriers, issues of poverty, collaboration, accountability, etc etc.
For example- if I was dealing with this issue in the states I could
rationally say to someone "dude, do you see what's going on around
you? People are dying of aids…not just people, your family members.
Your community. The fact that you pose as a volunteer for red cross
but don't actually do anything except show up once a month when your
supervisor visits (from two hours away) to collect your stipend…well
that's INSANE" ok, that wasn't exactly rational or appropriate but
you know what I mean? It's like trying to reason with a two year-old:
"why did you spill the juice?!?!?! It's in the carpet now?! Don't
you know juice stains!?!" ….uh, the kid is two, of course he doesn't
know juice stains, get a life self!"

I'm overwhelmed in attempting to explain this situation …with every
sentence I want to add commentary about another layer uncovered by the
previous problem but it's just impossible to articulate it all. I
guess it all just seems like too much and as much as I want to stay
calm, and relaxed- this is my job, and I'm hitting a point where I
don't know how to do it. I know how to fumble across all of the
issues and build community and make relationships stronger by focusing
on the little things, I know how to have the conversation with people
one at a time and plant the seeds of goodness and compassion and model
behavior like accountability and hard work…all of these things are
things I'm going to do but it just doesn't seem like enough. And at
the same time it's all I can do.

"Reinventing the Snowflake"

After writing, receiving positive words from friends and family and
reaching deep into my 'toolbox' of skills I brought with and have
acquired here I mapped out a first step. Monday was our usual time to
meet so I decided to structure it a bit differently in order to get us
on the same page. Usually I take a back seat as much as possible to
encourage ownership, empower natural leaders to step up and in an
effort to not reinforce a hierarchy based on skin color, country of
origin etc. But now, after 9 months, these guys and gals are my dudes
and we're in desperate need of someone takin' the reigns on this one.

We started the meeting off by outlining our progress thus far. I
facilitated the timeline reiterating what we had done over the past 8
months: we went from January, our initial meeting as a group and
individuals where I heard them express their strengths and weaknesses
as organizations, February where we started Monday Meetings and
addressed the needs of food and transportation, to March where we
began working towards solutions- writing a proposal to get garden
materials and making initial contact with BEN Namibia…April we
received funding and began sowing seeds in the ground, May, continued
watering, transplanting etc and by June we had food growing and BEN
Bikes arrival was right around the corner. In July we distributed
food to clients, training at Uukumwe Bike shop commenced and
Nkurenkuru was flying high.

When we got to the month of August I asked for input from the group.
First, I told them how proud I was of their hard work and how it was
pretty amazing that eight months ago I didn't know any of them and
they had never worked as a team before! Mutenda said we should give
ourselves a clap because of what we had accomplished thus far! We
cheered and clapped and I introduced them to the phrase "give
yourselves a pat on the back!" Afterwards we looked at August….at
first there was silence and then Miriam made my point for me: "There
is no watering going on and the food is dying and people are more
worried about bikes." This started a discussion about why this is a
problem especially since now we have the bikes. I was able to clearly
point out how we started with problems, now we had solutions, and what
problems were thus arising. This was well received as we entered into
another phase of problem-solving. We discussed solutions to the
garden and how to make improvements with watering, distribution,
overall care of the garden and we also talked about the purpose of the
bikes and that if their purpose was being abused then we would have to
take steps to assure accountability and proper responsibility.

To help look at how these projects are to assist in their work vs. add
another responsibility to their plates, we did a weekly mapping
activity where we looked at a typical week, Sunday-Saturday, 6am to
6pm. I took David as an example and he realized he had four hours
carved out of his Wednesday to water the garden- well since it only
takes about thirty minutes we talked about how this could be a good
time to look at what else might need to be done; weeding, adding
pesticides, planting more seed beds, singing to the plants….etc etc
etc :)

Two hours later we finally adjourned and I was feeling pretty darn
good. In conversation with Amanda that evening, I was expressing
concern that I didn't want to be reinventing the wheel with these
folks, in regards to garden distribution etc, and she shared the
following wisdom: You're not reinventing the wheel…you're reinventing
the snowflake! There have been many snowflakes to fall down before
but they are all different and unique. There are so many things that
are specific about the situation, the group, the process- hold on to a
basic foundation of group work but mold your next steps according to
the energy of those at the table!

"A reflection"

As a group we have taken a step in the right direction. This fact
makes me happy but far from satisfied. We have a long way to go and
seeing a clear path is increasingly difficult but I've realized a few
things…. First, as much as I don't want to hand-hold for the next 15
months I'm understanding that that is exactly what I need to do. Not
because people aren't capable but because all of this is so new.
Collaboration, follow through, accountability, multi-tasking- all of
these concepts are being introduced in a new way and to let go
prematurely would be moving at a pace too fast for the community. I
suppose this can be a negative consequence of any development work….
Secondly, I've bonded with my community in a new way. Like I
mentioned before, I like to take a back seat in our Monday meetings to
allow for growth of the group without imposing too many ideas or
reinforcing a hierarchy. I've built relationships and together we
have built a community of understanding and mutual respect and I'm
seeing where me stepping in and taking a more direct leadership role
could have benefits rather than negative consequences. Of course
there is always a balance and I'll strive to find that.

We are far from figuring out a smooth operation of the garden and the
distribution of its food but going through this process has been
important and we'll continue to build off of that. It's something I
need to constantly remind myself of, and be reminded by others, that
out of any project we work on together during this two year period
it's the outlying factors that will have the most lasting effect-
laughing together, celebrating birthdays and new born babies,
scratched up knees and elbows from riding a bike for the first time,
breaking bread together, taking pictures and dancing around like
maniacs at the local bar, escorting a friend to get tested for HIV and
being there for another when death consumes yet another weekend. It's
meeting consistently and following a process from A-Z, hiking to and
from Rundu 8 deep in the back of a truck…these are the things that we
have to hold onto when hiccups happen. And they always will.
:)