Long time, friends!!! At the same time many things are happening and nothing is happening…just enjoying my time here and chipping away at work but I thought I’d add one last post before 2009!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!???!? I hardly can….what a year. I’ll end this post with a year-end reflection but first some bits about the last few months.

Seb, Sandra and their hubbies from Bicycles for Humanity made the trek from Canada to Namibia back in October- it was such a great visit!! They were visiting the Bicycle Empowerment Center they funded and organized and while they were here came to Nkurenkuru to check out our site as well. Bruce Edwards from CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) accompanied them to do his piece on BEN Namibia, B4H and their work here in Namibia for a World AIDS Day segment that aired on December 1st. The interview with Ndadi, my supervisor at work, made it in the final cut….I can’t wait to show him to himself on TV!! He’ll get a kick out of it for sure The time I got to spend with the B4H gang was incredible. Just reminded again how lucky I am to be connected to so many great people and the paths crossed doing international work. One night we were out to dinner….around the table were 3 Canadians, 1 Australian, 1 Brit, 1 American and 2 Spaniards. All connected in some way or meeting for the first time…my heart was filled with joy and disbelief that this is my life! I was in the company of such wonderful souls.

After their trip up north we all headed to Windhoek and met up for Indian food and Zimbabwe Jazz- Oliver Mtukudzi live in concert at Windhoek High School….another incredible evening:)

I took a mini vacation that next week to visit Obie in Opuwo. It was absolutely beautiful there and it was great to reconnect with Obie. He is one of my closest friends here and we hadn’t been able to hang out since April. He cooked great food, we went on an awesome hike, spent time with two of his amazing friends, a couple, she’s from Portugal and he is from Mozambique, drank beer and had great conversations- it was really a gift to spend time with him. I hitch hiked 662km in one day to make it back to Rundu for the Kavango Halloween party which was a blast:) Chaz and I went as Scott and Lindsey….me as scott and him as Lindsey of course ;) SNL went as Joe Plumber and Sarah Palin…..priceless:) We even did some mock interviews and I think Lindsey could give Tina Fey a run for her money!!

Since then I’ve been working through some kinks with the garden project. We’ve decided to restructure a bit- beginning in January all clients of the volunteers will be invited to work in the garden and if they chose we’ll be setting up individual gardens at their homesteads or along the river. This should have been done from the beginning, to reduce the dependency on volunteers but also to create more ownership of the project, so I’m excited to implement these changes. It’s been a bit of a headache getting to this point but I think spending 4 or so months chewing on the idea is what was needed instead of me coming in and saying this is what is best. I hope to leave the garden project as sustainable as possible, like all of the projects, so this next year is going to be a lot of handing off. A year to lay the foundation and then one more to see things run smoothly through partnership, ownership and pride in the projects! The Hostel Project is still underway but we are waiting until January to move into full force of fundraising and implementation. I’ll be meeting with the teachers to finalize connections with Clinton Young Elementary School for letter writing and they service learning project going on there and bi-weekly meetings at the hostel with the learners will begin then too. Early on I’m going to select a committee of learners to head the project. I’ll take them through an application process and explain that their involvement in this project will be something to put on their CV (Curriculum Vitae) in the future. (In the States there are ENDLESS opportunities for resume builders but here they are few and far between). This will have many components of which I am very excited- application and ‘interview’ experience, leadership development, value of volunteering, ownership of the project and just basic mentoring that will go on with myself and a small group of young men and womyn. I look forward to keeping you all updated on how this all plays out…

Probably the most exciting thing to happen in the last few months was that MY PARENTS GOT TO VISIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the week with them was so incredible!!! We have always been close and our family is notorious for their openness and willingness to discuss ANYTHING but we have just hit this place in our relationship where ultimate comfort, respect, admiration and the closeness of our bond makes for an easy, fulfilling visit. I feel like the luckiest person on this earth when being with them and sharing them with others…I didn’t get to witness this but Ndeshi, my little friend and neighbor was walking with them to the store one day- Ndeshi is relatively quiet and a bit shy upon an initial meeting but she opened up quickly to them. On their walk in the midst of silence and enjoying the surroundings she looked up at my mom and said “Sarah told us about you before you came.” She didn’t elaborate and of course my mom got teary eyed- it’s just beautiful and a testament to their goodness that they make even people in the smallest corners of the world comfortable and free to be. It’s taken a year to get Ndeshi to be as open as she is with me and my folks just reinforced our open armed spirit by entering our world as if they have always been here. To have them visit and know my space, and my people will only bring us closer and inevitably make this next year that much more fulfilling!!

I’ll end this post by sharing my POL for this year. A POL is a Presentation of Learning- “what is a presentation of learning?
The POL is a public presentation based on your reflections of lessons learned and strides made toward self awareness and acceptance. While preparing for your POL, you will engage in self-appraisal of your growth, struggles and lessons learned over the past year.”

This is something I’ve participated in formally the past two years through Public Allies but this year my friend, Quanita Munday, invited me to participate in the Nzuzu 2008 POLs. www.nzuzu.org check out her site…

There are a few parts to the POL, a presentation and written pieces- I used to be…but now I am and This Years Top 3 Accomplishments. Un Jin Krantz was my voice for the presentation and I am so grateful to her for her willingness to connect me in a physical way to our community.

Happy Holiday’s folks….see you in 2009!!!!!!!!

POL PRESENTATION

It is he that is she that is I that is her and those who are not,
Are.

The dripping and drooling of times incessant knock knock knock at my door,
Is.

Exhausting.

Necessary.

Welcomed.

The cycle through which I navigate is anything but linear; spiraling through a series of my faults, strides both societal and internal,

Eternal.

Eternal work from a place of love not fear,
She says.

She is right. She shares and I learn and I teach,
And I learn again.

Again I learn to love.

To be honest.

To confront. To grow. To cry. To cry tears as they work through me.

Until I am me and she is her and he,

Is.





Three years ago I sat in the basement of Correyville library as Pickett Slater-Harrington shared his passion and knowledge for Asset Based Community Development.

I’ve taken that with me.

Two years ago I sat at a table with David Weaver as he talked about the being of leadership.

I’ve taken that with me.

Last year I shared space, time, and emotions with Quanita Munday as she challenged me to confront myself and my path with love and honesty.

I’ve taken that with me.

These are things I have held onto. I have had to let go of a lot. Let go of my judgments, my thoughts, what I thought I knew about the world and about humanity. I had to leave it all at the Washington DC airport as I boarded a plane for Africa and continued on my journey as it led me to Namibia as a Peace Corps volunteer.

So here are a few things I have learned over the past year and some things I hope to take with me into 2009.

It was important for me to forget what I ‘knew’ as to be conscious of not imposing my culture, values, and expectations on others. As I grew more comfortable in myself and my new environment I was able to reach back to what I brought with me and adjust my perspective accordingly. I’ve learned that this is a key problem in development- too many people come in with their idea of what’s “right” that they end up pushing themselves on the community in a way that just reinforces the “superior outside” influence. We enter places that have a strong legacy of oppression and even though our intentions are good our impact may be perpetuating a cycle that put people in a position of receiving aid in the first place. Part of me feels like Peace Corps has it all wrong. Are we in fact doing more harm than good? Are we, as volunteers learning an imbalanced amount vs. what we’re giving/teaching/sharing? Is the U.S. Government spending money on a program that feeds the souls of those who partake more than ‘helping’ the host country natives that requested our presence? I’m not sure. I’m still chewing on that one. What I do know is that this is a big question for me as far as development, systems, organizations, non-profits are concerned. As I struggle with understanding the layers wrapped up in this work I’ve tried to pay attention to how these observations affect how I operate in the community and what it means for my future.

For the past three years I have been digging deeply into communities only to pick up and leave- I see this next year as important and beneficial to my personal and professional growth, and as positive for my new community here, but I fully understand that two years anywhere is such a short amount of time to really do the kind of work in which I am interested. I find myself in a daze at the end of most weeks because I’ve been faced with so much and when looking at the bigger picture, I realize I have to set my goals or ambitions for the possibilities I see off to the side. There are simply too many layers to address in such a short amount of time. Instead of letting this upset me I’ve tried to reevaluate where I am in my life and where I want to be in a few years. I now know that I want to be in the United States; home. I used to think I wanted to live and work abroad but I’ve learned that what fuels me is my connections with people, with my community. I have connected with people here in an emotional sense too, but not in the way that serves me. I am in a place where I’m giving so much in big and little ways and at the end of the day I am empty. At the beginning of my time here I was rarely filled back up- now, thankfully, those joyful moments or times I’m able to dialogue with a close friend are more frequent, but I think part of my newfound comfort is that I’ve grown more dependent on myself for support, love, encouragement and being gentle and patient with the process.

Perhaps this is my greatest learning for this year. I’ve put myself in a place where I’m forced to be my own best friend. I was able to create a safe space for me and my “demons” to dance together and to my own surprise, perhaps my own growth, I was able to be gentle and patient with myself as I was alone with my thoughts. This is a scary process and one I could have easily avoided. Thankfully, I have surrounded myself with people at home to keep me accountable to myself. These people check-in with me and ask about my soul, my mind, how I am working on self and if I’m digging deeper; if I’m living purposefully. These people also share their process with me and invite me to bear witness to their journeys. In this way, feeling accountable to a mindful community and to my own self, I have been able to not hide in the corners of Nkurenkuru or behind false images but continue to live an authentic life. I’m proud of that and grateful to those who keep me honest.

I affirmed in myself that I am a strong confident womyn who still possesses the need to continue to be introspective. This is what keeps me whole and this is what keeps me connected in a deep spiritual way to my community back home.

This, you, is what I hope to always take with me.



I USED TO BE….BUT NOW I AM….


I used to cry weekly now I cry at the same frequency as being back home. Maybe I’m at home here now…

I used to hate running, now I run three times a week.

I used to see journaling as a chore that I didn’t connect to, now I find a unique comfort in it.

I used to let the water run while I brushed my teeth, now I don’t. :)

I used to think I wanted to live and work abroad indefinitely, now I know I want my work to be in the States.

I’m good at sharing but I used to keep some things just for me, now I practice letting go and sharing everything. It’s liberating.

I used to pray only when I was scared on airplanes, now I pray, mediate, spend silent reflection moments before each meal and often throughout the week.

I used to think Peace Corps was just the next step on my path, now I wonder if I did run away from something. I haven’t processed this one fully….

I used to be patient with others, but now am also patient with myself.

I used to have a distorted view of Africa, development, poverty, now I have a more global perspective of the latter two and a more tangible sense of the Southern part of the continent.


THIS YEAR’S TOP THREE EVENTS:

1. Uukumwe Bike Shop
a. When I first arrived at my site, Nkurenkuru, I heard concerns and complaints about lack of affordable transport to reach clients of home base care volunteers. Over the past 9 months I helped organize the implementation of a bike project with BEN Namibia (Bicycling Empowerment Network), HIV/AIDS and Malaria volunteers in Nkurenkuru, and private donors from the U.S. Now we have the Uukumwe Bike Shop providing affordable bikes to the community and even free bikes to volunteers. The physical implementation of this income generating project is a great accomplishment. The process we went through in getting it here I felt provided the right amount of ownership and collaboration but now we are a few months into the project and I’m realizing I could have done a lot more to ensure it’s success. I’ll be spending the next year trying to iron out the details of this project making sure it is sustainable and running smoothly even after I leave. I’m proud of the leadership skills I have transferred to Markus, a colleague and friend, and those innate leadership skills I have nurtured within him.
2. Being gentle with myself
a. A great personal accomplishment has been learning how to be gentle and patient with myself. In professional and personal work I have going on. Because I am more isolated here than I ever have been in my entire life I’ve had to be my own best friend. If I didn’t dig in and ground myself in a gentle and nurturing way then I would be leading a life of self-destruction for two years. I remember writing affirming notes to myself the first few months here. I had to. I had to tell myself I loved myself and be so kind and gentle because everything was so extremely hard. And if I didn’t learn to give myself those strokes here I would be completely lost. It’s easy to jump into negative self-talk so I worked a lot on talking myself down when getting overwhelmed and talking myself up when I didn’t want to get out of bed. This was gentle talk with work but also translated into my personal life too. I’m hard on myself with my patterns and it’s easy to say ‘get a clue Sarah!” but instead I was gentle with my own learning curve. That helped identify ‘issues’ and work through them instead of against them. I am proud of this accomplishment because it helps me truly act and be from a space of love, not fear.
3. More environmentally conscious
a. Before coming here I thought I was pretty conscious of the environment and my own footprint but after a year I realize I have taken that consciousness to another level. I see more ways to live green and simple and know that when I move back home my life will reflect that even more.