transitions, quiet time, judgement

Leaving home, coming home, traveling in between- I've come to the final leg of this journey. Many thoughts and feelings surge through my mind and soul; some reflective, others superficial, all waiting to be processed when I make time and mind space.

The shock I felt flying into Bangkok, Thailand was a bit unexpected. I nearly burst into tears as I saw the 6 lane highway and the "up-above roads" (later corrected by Janelle- over pass %-)). The amount of people and “stuff” that immediately surrounded me was a lot to take in.

I have a new lens with which to see the world...

I think that's the main underlying feeling right now. It's difficult to pinpoint but this is what I’ve come to. This transition time not only comes with goodbyes to people and places, visiting a new continent/culture, ending peace corps, seeing friends and family, snow, cold, unknown future- it’s all accompanied by this new lens: a new perspective that forces me to ask more questions, walk a little slower, reevaluate values and actions. I’m finding that it’s easy to see the ugly of the world with this lens- numerous disparities, health, income and otherwise, consumerism, materialism; simply unconscious ways of walking through this life. But there is also a lot of beauty this lens can expose- simple peace, love, patience, community, pockets of goodness everywhere, connecting with different aspects of humanity on very basic yet profound levels. It will be my challenge to focus on this beauty. To let the heightened awareness help me grow, not darken my spirit. To find hidden gems and happiness in quality time with those I love. To open my heart in a new way and let compassion and understanding flow through me as I embrace this next step.

Making time to spend with myself will also be important. I always have my self to come back to- a sanctuary within- but I know that in the hustle and bustle of America I’ll have to make time in my day for some quiet time. That is something that has been missing since I left Nkurenkuru. I haven’t taken much time just for me since I’ve been on the road- I’ve been soaking up my time with dear friends and enjoying traveling but I’m realizing that it’s something I want to make a priority.

I want to use my new lens to help judgment pause to curiosity, appreciation, teachable moments, listening, and modeling. I think judgment of myself and others will always be something I’ll be working on, but I think it’s especially important now when journeying home. Everyone looks through their own lens, according to his/her own experiences, privilege, background, understanding and acceptance of the world around them.

These are not new lessons, just reminders of the old. Perhaps with a bit more context now…

As the next phase of my journey unfolds I hope to carry myself in a way that honors where I have come from, what I’ve been doing/seeing/being for the past two years and how I want to be as I’m embrace each morning I am lucky enough to be a part of.