hangin with markus inbetween home base care visits

this is the fourth bucket of ngome i've been given in two weeks, delicious and hilarious that it's the gift of choice:) it's resting on the stool that smells like death. hehe

after we cleared the garden!!

here to sweat

tea break at our training

garden training with Mr. Anton from dept of agriculture. the first day is theory and the next is practical....we're sowing the seed beds tomorrow!

meme's at the graduation party:)

my supervisor Ndadi

Mrs. Ndadi graduated from University of Namibia last weekend in education... a bunch of people were dressed in gowns for her party:)

Things I love

This is an exercise. In positivism, in mindfulness, in creating my own reality….making manifest the peace that lies deep within, yet, hasn’t surfaced in quite sometime.
I’ve been walking around lately breathing the things that I love into the air in hopes that their collective energy will sustain me. Here’s what I have so far…

I love the rainy season. It's from ~end of Dec to ~beginning of April and it's amazing...rains ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. So comforting...

I love the cowhide stool that makes my house reek of rotting flesh.

I love the green slippers Erika gave me before I left; once bright green, soft and puffy- now worn, dingy and flat from all the love my feet have given them.

I love the tree outside of my house that with the untrained eye just looks like any ole tree…but every afternoon there are nine little kids in its branches enjoying their hideout.

I love that my neighbors have a million little kids and the only English they know is “HI SARAH HOW ARE YOU IM FINE THANK YOU WHERES MY SWEETS?” and they yell that to me whenever I leave my house and continue with the mantra until I can no longer be seen.

I love the way Ndadi’s (my supervisor) twins react when they see me: the boy waves, smiles and greets me (most times waiting for me to greet him first) and the girl’s eyes pop open wide and she scurries to find the nearest body or tree to hide behind- she’s terrified of me! I also love the way her care takers play tricks on her…..when they see me coming they run away from her so she’s all alone and has to scramble for safety! It’s our little cross-cultural ritual.

I love the way Ndadi reminds me of my grandpa- always making up ridiculous analogies and metaphors for things then laughing hysterically until everyone else joins in purely from his display of humor not necessarily from the metaphors. Now, I must say, my grandpa is, in fact, hilarious but it’s the laugh that gets me- no matter what the situation, they are both laughing and sharing their warm spirit.

I love that I don’t know what music is on my computer and that the other day I stumbled upon the most amazing album that I now listen to on repeat- it was here all along!

I love that when I open all my curtains in the morning my house is full of light and fresh air until the night time.

I love the way the elders greet me…when it’s the first time for us to meet they say it almost accusingly like “can she understand? Can she actually speak? Then it comes…a piercing “nawa?” and without hesitation I reply “ihn, nawa, awo?” and they finish up then say “tat tat tat, kuuyunga rukwangali!” You speak rukwangali! All it takes is the greeting for them to tell you you’re fluent and that rukwangali is so easy. I just smile and nod, say “ihn” a few more times and we go on our way:)

I love how when there is a snake in the tree dozens of people with gather and stare at it until they can manage to kill it….it’s entertainment for hours.

I love the open market.

I love how the end of Monday meetings are always quite pleasant, unlike their beginning which is painfully quiet and slow…it just takes a while to warm people up I suppose.

I made cookies two weeks ago for our meeting….i don’t know what it is but the cookies always come out different and a bit messed up no matter who makes them or that the ingredients are the same. So, I gave that preface before I shared them with the group- I love how yesterday, before the meeting one of my friends sent me this sms: “we have also missed-up cookies during meetings maybe it’s ready 4 today I hope!”

I love how the right amount of soy milk can make my horrible cups of coffee taste just fantastic…fantastic enough to choke down with my bread in the morning:)

I love the green cell phone holder Kylikky knitted for me to wear around my neck- it’s the “in” thing here…hehe

I love watching ants build their homes one grain of sand at a time. Some mornings I walk past a single file line of ants stretching over 12ft each busily doing their share of work.

I (sometimes) love how Namibians talk in circles. Nothing is direct- the other day, three of us were heading to a nearby village for a very specific purpose and when we were asked “where are you doing?” this was our dialogue:
“we’re just around.”
“what are you doing?”
“we’re going.”
“going where?”
“around.”
“ok.”
It’s such a funny dance- everyone knows you talk in circles and you don’t actually tell anyone what you’re doing until you get deeper into conversation….but yet people still pry, knowing full well they aren’t going to get a direct answer. I love that.

I love how much meaning “I’m just around” has. I use it all the time. “Nane Sarah, where have you been?” “oh, I’m just around” “but I haven’t seen you!” “yeah, I’m around, just around!” and it’s all understood…we’re both “just around.”

I love the daylight hours during winter. The time changed a few weeks ago, I’m still asked daily “are we meeting at African time or Namibian time?” I don’t understand this fully yet…when it’s not winter ‘African time’ means an hour later than you plan to meet…during winter ‘African time’ means the time before the time change and ‘Namibian time’ means the new winter time….but, are we still going to meet an hour later than either of those times? That’s the tricky partJ BUT, while I do love that little mix-up too, I really love the daylight hours during winter…the sun is now up at 6, or slightly before, and it goes down around five. No more waking up when it’s still dark outside and the day seems to end earlier which means more relaxing time around the house!

I love pictures people have sent me from home.

I love the little cup of beans Anastasia brought me while we chatted about her sewing project.

I love the bag of raisins Nane Eva bought for me while we opened a joint bank account for her sewing project.

I love that my when my supervisor saw me today, wearing the same clothes that I’ve worn for the past 5 work days with my backpack we had this exchange:
“Ah, you. You like this outfit, and this bag- and you are always walking around like a soldier!”
“Well, I’m in a fight sir!”
[explosive laughter] “yes!! You’re in a fight!! Against AIDYS!!” and that’s exactly how they pronounce it….aidys.

I love that my barber Sipema wanted me to take his picture today…complete with cell phone out and keys dangling- somethin’ like a pimp.

I love that I’m ‘bff’ with the mail women and when I walk in they go to the corner where they’re holding my mail for me.

I love that Ndadi always seems to be missing one button on his button-down shirts.

I love that today, at the reception of the official opening of Bank Windhoek the entertainment was tunes from…Shania Twain!

I love how everyone here is related- so much so that Mr. Heinrich did not hesitate to ask the following question when he saw a picture of my parents: “Oh, you look like both of them. Are they cousins!?”

I love that when I introduced myself to someone today and they asked where I was from they said “Great. But, welcome home.”

I love that no matter how hot it is you’ll find many Namibians dressed in leather coats, sweaters, and knit stocking hats! ….dudes, we’re in Africa.

And finally, I love how I feel “better” after having taken time to do this.

“Every day is a challenge but I’m finally feeling up to it again.”

I just spent some time rereading some letters I had sent to folks. I wrote this phrase 3 months ago to Adj…”Every day is a challenge but I’m finally feeling up to it again.” This phrase sheds light on the fact that this ‘challenge’ is never (n e v e r) ending. Never ending. Always challenging. Every, Always, Never- hmmmm strong words. Words some people NEVER use because NOTHING is EVER that certain. Nothing. Ever. Never. Shit. This sentence struck me because I am in a bit of a funk. The sentence doesn’t attempt to say that the challenges will cease, it doesn’t butter up the fact by saying “today is a challenge but tomorrow won’t be.” It gently says the truth of the matter- everyday is a challenge, some days we won’t be up for it, some days we will. Some days we may even think it isn’t challenging- but alas, funky days are right around the corner;) Is this half empty talk? I don’t think so- it’s honesty….haha, have I been turned into a realist!??!???! I’m sitting alone in my house cracking up now….blogging/journaling/writing is a slight form of schizophrenia right? I’ll argue that with myself while you continue reading…. ;)

I digress.

I’ve been making my own paper with a broken screen. It comes out in 14x4in slabs. I’ve been writing thoughts on the slabs and plan to hang them around my house. A bit eery at times- it completely goes against my never ending attempt to chill out. Stop taking life so seriously. Relax in an unrelaxable space. Yes, Microsoft Word, I know that is not a word. But words are silly.

I spent last week in Rundu at a fantastic workshop. “Men and HIV/AIDS Special Initiative Group Education Training Workshop.” …..a long name that could be just as long but more direct: “Getting a Clue! A Dialogue About Men and Their Oppressive Behavior as Key Factors Adding to the Rapid Spread of HIV/AIDS.” No one really knew the name of the workshop anyway- they kept calling it “Men and HIV.” Simple enough…. So: it was fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. This is the word that keeps popping into my head. The workshop was facilitated for and by LifeLine/Childline. LL/CL is an organization that is open for drop-in counseling around many issues; suicide, HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy, domestic abuse etc etc. The group is made up of a staff in Windhoek and Rundu and volunteers in surrounding villages/towns. The theme of this workshop was gender equity and equality and how our work can have a theme of gender equality and inclusion. Six of us from Peace Corps were allowed to attend this workshop and for that I am very grateful. It was wonderful to sit with Namibians as peers discussing issues of gender equality while crossing lines of age, race, gender, orientation, culture and tradition. So many times we (American volunteers) are looked to for answers, for change, as someone to offer something that one does not already possess- not only does that apply a certain amount of pressure to us, it also is unrealistic and not very asset based. If someone thinks I have answers because I’m white/American/foreign it shows that they don’t believe that the answers already exist within themselves. It’s a culture of low self-efficacy. So….as mentioned above…it was great to sit around the room as a trainee, not a trainer. None of the gender dialogue was new to me or my American colleagues but the discussions we were able to have, the openness of the group, the critical thinking and processing that happened in that circle was amazing. It was refreshing. Critical thinking skills are not nurtured here unless you have a group that is in a big city or town coming from a proper education. For years children have been reprimanded if they don’t understand something…..learners are programmed to say YES MISS when asked if they are following the lesson. You can then ask a learner to repeat what you just said and all you get is a blank stare. If I got beat every time I asked a question or didn’t understand or asked “why?” I would certainly stop inquiring or admitting I was confused.

The folks we were with at this training were thinkers. They were feelers. They disagreed with one another and challenged one another. The shift from some of the men in the group was tangible. The attitudes about men and women and their roles and how culture effects what we think each of their roles should be…..it was transforming. I think it was so fascinating because it was familiar. Sitting in circles discussing issues important to us, our work, our fight- it was like being back home…. While many things are becoming my ‘normal’ here I am very aware that the way things are done are foreign to me- whether it’s how people are treated, how jobs are carried out, how you greet, all of it is distinctively Namibian- therefore foreign to me. But this was familiar.

This was progress that didn’t trample culture. This was development work without telling someone they are wrong. This was a dialogue with humans about human behavior taking into consideration who the humans in the room were and why they think and feel the way they do. Not telling someone how they are supposed to act, but engaging them/us on a journey within to positively affect this journey we are all together in on the outside.

It was profoundly American. Something American I can be proud about. It’s ‘American’ to me because that’s where I come from…that’s what I know….and so many times here I’ve wanted to forget what I know in order to be open to other’s knowing. At that workshop worlds were blended. Not collided, but blended in a way where growth, insight, and compassion reined not ego, power, and self-interest.

It was fascinating.