tiny voices

With a knock on the door and tiny voices I recognize but don’t understand, I set my book down and go see who has come to visit. Raulinda, Rossa, and Sama are speaking fast and using sign language to ask if they can run with me today. They are so cute…I think all 7-8 years old, I run/walk and when I’m walking they are just looking up at me like “c’mon punk, are you that out of shape??” at least that’s what I interpret their smiles to be saying:) I welcome them in and Raulinda empties a shirt full of tiny pieces of fruit they picked for me. A green pile of small grape looking foods lay on my table as they scurry out to then meet me at 6:15 on the path. Rossa yells back when she is half way out of my yard “No watch!” My host sister in Grootfontein (6months old) gave me a small clock for my going away gift. The clock ticks so loud that I had to take the battery out a few weeks ago because I couldn’t possibly sleep through the night with the constant tickticktick. PERFECT…I’ll gift it to the girlsJ I send them on their way with the little pink clock and look forward to our meeting this evening. :)


Many people are asking about my “work.” How to explain a job that is 24 hours a day? I’ll try. In Peace Corps we are ‘on’ all the time. Even in our houses with doors locked and curtains pulled we are sending a message to the community- stay out!! I need a break!! So even then we have to be conscious of how we are living, how we are going through the day. I constructed a mosquito net on my burglar bars with duct tape and floss so I could leave my door open most of the day. I have set my boundaries though- the door opens at 8 and usually stays that way until it gets dark outside to let folks know I’m not hibernating and that they are welcome. I have a small office at the clinic but after some tragic moments and realizing I need to work on my computer (and don’t want to haul it around town) I have stated working from home. This has been nice- folks are dropping by often to discuss project ideas or ask for help with proposals or just to say hello. Everyone knows where the “sirumbu” lives so it’s never hard to find me.

Ok, so work- my role is a facilitator, a gatherer of people, a connector as Jori would call it- convener of the groups, harnesser of the energy. Not a doer of projects….but an assistor. I had individual meetings with all of the groups working on HIV/AIDS issues a month ago and ever since we’ve been meeting as a large group (two representatives from each organization) each Monday at 2:00. We meet to discuss projects we can all work on together instead of silo-ing our efforts. The manager of the Bank has just joined our working committee and also a representative from the clinic. The first thing we have taken on is a community garden to provide food for people living with HIV/AIDS and Orphans and Vulnerable Children. We wrote a proposal to get funds for tools and seeds, received a plot of land from the Matron at the clinic, and have requested Mr. Anton from the Department of Agriculture to come do a training on gardening- two days, one theory and one practical where we’ll commence the actual gardening. We’ll spend the following months figuring out how we’re going to distribute food once it’s harvested. We’re seeking Mr. Anton’s help with that organization because “give it to people with AIDS” is way too broad and disorganized. But we’ll figure it outJ (thanks to Jimmy T and Molly for helping guide me!!)

I attend UMYA’s weekly meetings and assist with facilitation when needed. Their regional supervisor, Risto, sent me a text message last week saying “organize HIV awareness day, 11 March, your budget is N$600” hmmm ok sir, will do! Ha, ???? Ok, so he sent it to Markus too but he couldn’t attend the meeting because he was at a funeral. At first I was very opposed to bringing the idea to the group because it’s THEIR club and THEIR meeting and I’m an outsider and am here to create sustainability and capacity build etc (pc’s favorite buzz words) but there is a way I can be present and find a balance. With Lao Tzu* in my ear I head into the meeting….they discuss regular matters then ask if I have anything to add. I mentioned the text from Risto and write a big outline on flip chart paper- basically HIV AWARENESS DAY!!!!!!!!!! WHAT, WHERE, HOW, WHEN and I turned it over to them….they went wild (all of it in Rukwangali) and when they hit certain stumbling blocks they translated a bit for me and we worked through them, how to get space, who to talk to, they gave ideas I asked questions light bulbs went off and after 3 hours (Namibians love debating and discussing) we had created three small committees with tasks for the week until our next meeting.

The plan: we have three committees: song, posters and ‘other’. The song committee will find HIV/AIDS related songs and we’ll practice as a group, learners from the school will be invited to join also. The poster committee will find out how much it costs to get materials and then we’ll make advertisements on Wednesday and we’ll also make posters for decoration about living positively with HIV/AIDS. And the ‘other’ committee is asking permission to hold our event at the open market, informing the community, school, and church leaders about our plan and getting price quotes on cool drinks and snacks. At the end of the meeting they were pumped. I summarized our discussion and they kept saying “sharp sharp” pronounced “shap, shap” with a thumbs up. Then we they taught me their cheer!! CHAKALAKA then three claps!! It was hilarious and great. Friday Tuulikky and David came over and worked on their letter to the community leaders and the song committee met with the principal Saturday morning.

So that’s the working committee and UMYA. Joseph wants to join with the Buddy group and do a poultry project- raise chickens and sell their eggs at the open market as an income generating project for people living with HIV/AIDS. So I’m helping him write a proposal and a small business plan. I know nothing about the latter so we’re seeking help from Mr. Heinrich at the bank. Friday morning Sam and three women from an HIV support group came over to ask if I’d help them write a proposal for a sewing machine and material so they can make baby carriers and traditional dresses- again, as an income generating project for themselves. So Thursday I’ll walk to their homestead, about 5km away, and we’ll sit under a tree with a pen and paper and talk about the steps of proposal writing and how we’ll work as a team until they are all set up.

Kuulikky asked if I’d help her with her NAMCOL work- Namibian College of Open Learning- it’s similar to online classes for adults in the states but it’s via paper…. So we work together Mondays and Fridays for two hours each day. The material is SO DIFFICULT but I try not to express that for fear of discouraging her. I’m figuring out how to be a teacher without giving answers or just telling her what to write….it’s quite the process but we enjoy a cup of tea and chat about my maps and my family before we get down to business. It’s great:)

Julia, a friend who works at the salon while she’s here taking care of her mom in the HIV/TB ward, and I are starting a women’s soccer team. Just a casual thing for now but maybe we’ll compete against other villages sometime soon. She is great, we’ve been hanging quite a bit. People in the ward actually call me “Julia’s Sirumbu” Julia’s white person- but I’ve been reassured that it’s a term of endearment.

Lindsey, (she and her husband are PCV teachers here) two other teachers and I just started an AIDS club that meets every Wednesday at 3:00pm. We’ll perform dramas about HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy and alcohol abuse, have beauty pageants as fundraisers, write songs and poems about helping people live positively, and educate the community on HIV/AIDS. These are their ideas from the last meeting; we’ve got a good group. Cultural note: dramas and beauty pageants are KEY in Namibian culture- they love them, every age, every gender, every situation dramas are a must. And there is always some sort of beauty pageant going on to raise money for the school, church, clubs, etc etc.

The working committee has taken on a project of creating a directory of services so our outreach to folks about getting tested for HIV, education on prevention and care, and basic counseling services is more effective. Most things happen at the spur of the moment or get changed around due to a million factors: death, injury, rain, the road being terrible so cars break down, informal gatherings etc. So a lot of my ‘work’ changes everyday based on what’s going on around me. And everything………………………..taaaaaaaaaaaaaaakes…………………………….tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I can’t stress that enough. Being patient and going where the energy of the community takes me is the most important thing to keep in mind. And putting my ideas and thoughts on the back burner because it’s now about what I want to accomplish it’s about the passion and ideas of those around me and how we can work together. I know, this is a ‘duh’ to a lot of folks but it’s a good reminder.

In my free time I read a lot, paint tea bags, make paper with my neighbors’ kids, study Rukwangali, and stare at the wall:) Soon that wall will have a map of the world, Julia and I are gonna paint one for fun, but right now staring blankly at it provides a unique comforting sensation.

I’ll end this post with two things:
text messaging is now free from 7pm-12am every day as a promotion from our cell phone service provider, this is AWESOME because calling costs way too much and internet is scarce and so it’s nice to be able to communicate with fellow PCV’s at the end of the day. I wanted to share an exchange between Amanda and I- after a difficult week we had the following ‘conversation’ and I’m grateful for her friendship and our connection during this whirlwind!

Me: “HI! Amanda, I feel like a little bit of the universe has shifted. In a good way”

Amanda: “how so?”

Me: “So I’ve had three pretty hard cries- all three have been different and have been new emotions. Monday after crying and talking with you I opened a new door in myself and thus this place and I feel like I made room for new kinds of connections. I feel like myself. The self others know is starting to shine through here now. I’ve met some people this week that I feel like I can truly connect with- don’t have to put on a Christian or boyfriend front, I can just be me, all of me. And people I’ve been working with for a month now are smiling in a new way this week and stopping by to hang or ask how im doing or just laugh with me as I stumble through this language. I’m internalizing what it means to be patient and gentle with myself- they are becoming more than words. I’m starting to feel whole again.”

Amanda: “Oh well that’s inspiring and incredible and amazing! You must embrace this and remember what it feels lie, looks like, and sounds like. You can come back to this place in times of trouble, if you want. And its growth and appropriate and necessary and honestly bound to happen because you are you and you’re embracing life in the simplest and most beautifully complex ways! Aha!”

Me: “I love that you said I can come back to this- that’s what I did today. Felt similar emotions like Monday creeping up and I hugged them. Didn’t shoo them away or say “get a life Sarah” or anything damaging I just smiled at them and watched them pass and prayed for guidance and wisdom and strength and perspective and I shut my eyes for a second and when I opened Tuulikky was walking towards me- first one to our meeting, an hour late;) and we sat together and laughed and talked rukwangali and I found out she is a twin and told her about your book I was reading and we ate corn and it was all so great- I made it work you know? Took ownership of my being and experience. I love that I can share this with you by the way, thank you.”

Amanda: “And this is what its al about and these aren’t just life lessons only connected to this experience but to life…all of it.”

Me: “Right, you’re exactly right, I guess I feel like I float between two worlds- one that understands lessons and mindfulness and growth through experience etc and one that isn’t real, nothing actually exists and we are just physical manifestations of something bigger and that leaves us powerless and part of a game, like chess pieces….and if I stay too long in world number two I freak out- so what do I strive for? Balance duh, the root of it all.”

Amanda: “yeah, you have to embrace the emotions and understand them and be very careful with the way you talk to yourself. Talked about this exact thing this morn….and yeah, girl with balance tattoo hee hee”

Me: “self-talk, ive been so good at that here, never before was I so gentle. You taught me that. That word sticks with me and im very grateful.”


And 2. The * from above:

“Go to the people.
Live with them.
Learn from them…

Start with what they know;
Build with what they have.
But with the best leader,
When the work is done,
The task accomplished,
The people will say,
We have done this ourselves!”
-Lao Tzu

Peace ya’ll,
sb